Soulja boy partner

Soulja Boy's business partner Miami Mike spoke about the 'Crank That' hitmaker and what he has planned for 2020. Soulja Boy's business partner Miami Mike spoke about the 'Crank That' hitmaker and ... View this post on Instagram A post shared by Young Drako #SODMG 4E (@souljaboy) on Mar 7, 2019 at 8:01am PST The is the second reported physical abuse allegation against Soulja Boy this year. Nia ... Soulja-Boy-Net-Worth. Being the best-selling artist of all time, most of his debut singles have sold over 2,000,000 copies in the US, earning him millions of dollars. As of September 2020, Soulja Boy’s net worth is at $40 million after acquiring a million-dollar contract recently from the company World Poker Fund. In exchange for promoting ... Soulja Boy - Partner relationships (*1978) Trina (*1982) Keri Hilson (*1990) Teyana Taylor (*1981) Meagan Good Partnership Chart. Planet. Celebrity. Soulja Boy has had encounters with Blac Chyna (2019), Tiona Fernan (2019), Brittish Williams (2016), Rubi Rose [Model] (2016), India Westbrook (2013 - 2015), Lisa Ann (2011), Kat Stacks (2010), Sheneka Adams (2010) and Rihanna (2009).. About. Soulja Boy is a 30 year old American Rapper. Born DeAndre Cortez Way on 28th July, 1990 in Chicago, Illinois, he is famous for Crank Dat in a career that ... '90 Day Fiancé' Contestant SojaBoy Already Wrote a Song to His Partner, Lisa Hamme By Leila Kozma. Updated 7 months ago 'Usman thinks I'm being too overbearing, too jealous over his fans. But he's a celebrity, he's a rapper, and I've been cheated on before. I know that pain. HipHopDX speaks to Miami Mike, Soulja Boy's longtime manager. 'Jail just woke him up,' his longtime partner says as he compares his following to The Grateful Dead, Frankie Beverly and Maze. 1.6M ...

Throwback Write-Up #20: NB Ridaz - NB RIdaz.com

2020.09.17 12:31 CaptainGordan Throwback Write-Up #20: NB Ridaz - NB RIdaz.com

Artist: NB Ridaz
Album: NB Ridaz.com
Label: Upstairs Records
Released: April 4th, 2004
Background
NB Ridaz, formally known as Nastyboy Klick, are a Hip Hop/R&B group out of Phoenix Arizona. Started by MC Magic, the group became popular locally by selling their CDs at swap meets and making personalized songs of their hits for people. They dropped two albums under the Nastyboy Klick moniker, one of which had one of their most successful singles with “Lost In Love”. Their debut also had the hit “Down For Yours” featuring Roger Troutman, who laid down the chorus with his signature talkbox singing. That sound would become a staple in NB Ridaz’s future hits. With the name officially change to NB Ridaz, they dropped Invasion in 2001, with the hit song “Runaway” In 2004 they dropped NB Ridaz.com, their most successful album to date, spawning hits like “Notice Me” “So Fly” and “Pretty Girl”. The influence Roger Troutman had instilled on the group’s sound is especially prominent here, with the talkbox chorus on “Wishin on a Star” and “Pretty Girl” This album also served to promote their website NBRidaz.com, where they sold merchandise and promoted their personalized songs that fans can put requests for. Although the site is no longer active you are able to see remnants of the site if you use the wayback machine.
Intro
I wanted to preface by saying that the reason I chose this album was because it was huge among Hispanics/Latinos in the US. and in Latin America, but I feel like they are largely unknown to this forum and non-hispanic hip hop listeners. I realized I lived in a bit of a bubble when I overestimated their general popularity on this sub. Living in a large Mexican community, the album and songs like “So Fly” and “Pretty Girl” were inescapable and most girls I went to middle school with including my sister had a crush on MC Magic. I talked about them once in the DD a while back when someone brought up Soulja Boy’s influence by using the internet to blow up and being the supposed first one to really use the internet, and I mentioned how NB Ridaz were using their website to promote personalized songs before Soulja Boy was active, which was then downvoted and followed by a “Who?” response. Anyways after that and testing the waters by posting “Pretty Girl” (which was downvoted), I became aware of that bubble and how the album is not known to the general hip hop audience. To be fair, even when the album was in heavy rotation during release, I noticed it was more popular among girls than dudes, and this sub/website isn’t exactly known for their demographics in the women department.
Review
One thing about this album is that almost every single song has to do with love or intimacy, whether that be the pursuit and wooing of a new partner, cultivating and strengthening of relationships, or lamenting of past relations, probably why it was more popular with girls than dude.
The album kicks off with a forgettable intro followed by U Got Me Hot, which is just a fun song about meeting women at the club and a good track to kick off the album.
Now she was rockin hot jeans
Low-cut baby tee
Hotter than the Fourth of July in A Z
I mean I'm trippin, I couldn't even think
Booty so thick she can hold two drinks
Next is Pretty Girl. Though it wasn’t the leading single on the album, it is probably the most popular song from this album after Notice Me. With a smooth beat reminiscent of 90’s G-Funk, and a chorus and verses backed up by the talkbox singing that they picked up from Roger Troutman, this song has everything that makes it both timeless and a callback to the group’s roots. My favorite part has to be MC Magic’s verse, as he blesses us by alternating his rhymes between English and Spanish seamlessly.
Si tu supieras lo que siento
Cada vez
Que me pongo a pensar en todos los momentos
All the good times we've had, me and you, you and I
Hot summer nights, making love in July
The only girl that didn't give it on the first night
Una mujer incomparable, Imma love her life
After Pretty Girl and, the album transitions to its raunchier side with the lead single So Fly. One small detail I always liked about this song is that each member comes in with a short intro setup before their verse starts, with Zig Zag and MC Magic singing their first lines before rapping, and the DJ Scratching on the beginning of Dos’s verse, I thought it was a pretty neat touch. Zig Zag’s verse is iconic too and etched in my childhood since my sister had this song on loop on her boombox.
I know, I been on the road and away from home
But I been fiendin' for you
Dreaming of you
And what I'm gonna do when I have you alone
You heard the message
On your cellphone, me sayin' "Daddy's home"
I'm about to put it down, got you runnin' around
Half-naked around the house
And this isn't just fast sex
We makin' love until we both climax
Next up Tu Eres, a love ballad sung entirely in Spanish. The lines are a bit cheesy, but since it’s a love ballad it’s expected. If you get serious with a Latina who’s in her late 20’s/early 30’s, you’ll get bonus points if you play this for her.
Despertando una manana pensando en ti
Tus brazos y besos los quiero sentir
Yo te quiero y te amo que haria sin ti?
Un angel que Dios me enviado a mi
On Wishin’, the song revolves around getting hurt by being broken up with by an ex, but still wanting them back. Though it sounds great rapping and beat-wise, and the chorus is nice as hell, it’s my least favorite song on the album on subject matter alone. After that the album gets more upbeat on Playaz. Dope hook, classic beat, and great verses all around where NB Ridaz affiliates 'The Hav Nots' lay down some good verses.
The album then does a 180 with 4-Ever, a song about committing to be with your partner forever. The chorus features singer Angelina combined with the talkbox singing by the NB Ridaz. Though this is one of multiple tracks on the album that feature the talkbox singing chorus, and not even the only one that also features Angelina on the chorus, they still manage to get creative with it. Next up is Notice Me, which was probably the song that got the most radio play in my area and in general. While being the second song that has both Angelina and the talkbox singing chorus, it still manages to sound fresh and change from a theme of commitment to one of simping.
Until I Die is probably my favorite beat on the album, even with dope 90’s West Coast style beats of “Pretty Girl” and “Playaz”. Hearing this makes me wish NB Ridaz experimented more with guitars on their instrumentals. This song is different from the other love songs on the album in that it focuses on growth in partnership, from struggles to sacrifices couples would do for each other. Featured artist and long-time collaborator Big Gemini has a great verse on this as well
I used to say once you're born you're just waiting to die
And every day in between is just a waste of some time
But in time I was convinced that I was far from the truth
Believe it or not I found truth the night I met you
So just know that if there's life after death I'm a wait for you there
To love you forever for real
Sunshine features the same singer (Mary) who did the chorus on U Got Me Hot, and she easily steals the show on this. This song always reminded of a 90’s R&B ballad, and probably the only song on the album where I think Dos had the best verse. .
Not once not twice but your three times a lady
The comfort of your arms got me feeling like your baby
Ill be there for you lets make love in to memories
Your tender touch and your smile always get the best of me
Never let you go or treat you bad ill give you all i have
I belong to you and only you girl i want you bad
Sunshine is followed by the Lil Ridaz skit, just an obnoxious skit of these two little kids breaking into MC Magic’s studio and rapping. Kinda wishing they cut this because it’s not great. The skit leads us into the next song, Bounce If You Wanna, that uses the same beat as the skit. Something weird I found in making this writeup is that not a single lyric website has this song correctly noted, as every site instead has the lyrics to the Lil Ridaz skit. I wanted to highlight Kid Frost’s verse because he was nice and it was iconic to have the first Mexican-American rapper to blow up on an NB Ridaz track. This doesn’t exist anywhere else so I might have mucked a few words
Collar stay popped like champagne bottles, it’s full throttle
That’s the motto, and I spend dough like I won the lotto
Hit trees like there’s no tomorrow
Still spittin hot shit for you to bump in your barrio
Kid Frost, Two fifths of Hennessey
2002 West, go to push and a half ounce of kush
Went triple x, now there’s plenty of bush
Pornstars and strippers get snatched with one look
It’s the Kiddie crook back with them NB Ridaz
O’s and G’s, flippin pounds of keys
On the regular, there’s no competitor
Take it from the editor, back like the predator
Exterminator, Terminator, Violator, Regulator
And I’m way too smooth than them brand new wall of gators
Kid Frost still a boss and I floss on you haters
Fakes and phonies, and all you perpetrators
Southwest Ridaz is up next, and the album is just the group spitting cold hard bars. MC Magic shines as usual and alternate Spanish and English lines like he did on Pretty Girl, except with more hardcore rapping on this track. San Diego’s Mr. Shadow makes an appearance, who was also popular among latino hip hop listeners in the mid 2000’s, but who catered more to the gangster rap crowd.
MC Magic expands on how the group started in the skit Magic’s Custom CDs, where he recounts how his group were able to establish themselves by making personalized CDs for them and advertises how fans can use the website to request their own custom CDs, and as a bonus he even includes an example of a custom song he made using Lost in Love as a basis. The album’s closing track, Guess Who’s Back was always my guilty pleasure as a kid. Borrowing my sister’s CD of this album every now and then, this is the track I always skipped to since at the time I wasn’t feeling like hearing love or heartbreak songs, so this one holds a special place in my heart. With this and Southwest Ridaz, the group made it known they can drop bars when they wanted to and aren’t just a group that coasts on love ballads.
I didn’t mention the Cho and Lo skits, until now, but they are a series of skits on the album that have a radio duo ragging on each other. I used to like their banter when I was in middle school, but I’ve grown out of it since then
Conclusion
As I mentioned before, upon doing my research for my writeup, I found that I overestimated the group’s popularity and my perception of their popularity was warped because of where I and who I grew up with, being from a city on the west coast where there are more Mexicans than any other race. In spite of their popularity among Latinos with songs that have +10 million views on youtube, they never had an album chart on the Billboard 200, and even their most famous songs only peaked close to the bottom of the Billboard 100 charts. In spite of their lack of reach outside the Latino community, this album was huge for those of us who did grow up listening to it.
Questions
For non-Latinos, did you listen to or come across this album while growing up?
In light of NB RIdaz's use of the internet to push their albums as did other artists, do you feel that their practices are overlooked when discussing the history of artists using the internet to sell?
What is your favorite hip hop album by a Latino-American?
Favorite song on NB Ridaz.com?
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2020.09.10 17:00 TheJohnnyThunder SLGG Rock N Jock

Found this coz double volume today. Thought eh, could be good could be shit, financials don’t look amazing, but then dug in to see if the actual labels they’re partnering with have anyone good and looked up eOne who amongst their acts represent Snoop Dogg, Soulja Boy, Waka Flocka and WU TANG. So could be something here??
Thought y’all might be interested in checking it out for yourselves xo
https://au.finance.yahoo.com/news/super-league-gaming-hit-parader-141500872.html
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2020.06.21 21:33 Keeks_marone The HaWks should go the DeAndre Way

I was thinking, Atlanta native, Soulja Boy should perform at HaWks games and partner with the team.
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2020.03.14 10:03 kittehgoesmeow What A Day: CEO Dark Thirty by Sarah Lazarus & Crooked Media (03/13/20)

"National emergency. Two very big words." - One very big idiot

Test Of Time

The Trump administration is finally doing the bare minimum to respond to the coronavirus epidemic, following days of blowback to its initial, spectacular failure. The new measures were partly informed, you will be comforted to know, by Jared Kushner’s father-in-law crowdsourcing ideas on Facebook for him.
As Trump announces new measures to cover his own ass, his administration has re-committed to policies that hurt the most vulnerable Americans, who are likely to be hardest impacted by COVID-19.
It shouldn’t take a week of relentless criticism to make the president agree to targeted steps to address a pandemic, but here we are. The U.S. is now in a game of catch-up, necessitated by the administration’s early testing-capacity failure, to slow COVID-19’s spread before patients overwhelm the health-care system. We hope this email finds you well, and at home.

Look No Further Than The Crooked Media

There’s another debate this weekend, and even though some things will be different (two candidates, no audience, sitting down)—some things will always stay the same (like us working late on debate night to bring you Crooked Groupthread). Tune in for all our reactions and analysis in real time as you watch, starting Sunday at 8pm EST/5pm PST → https://crooked.com/groupthread

Under The Radar

Louisiana has postponed its primary out of coronavirus concerns, making it the first state to do so. Louisiana’s Secretary of State announced that the April 4 primary will be moved to June 20, in a decision he said was made to protect citizens and poll workers. That puts the state’s primary less than a month before the July convention. “Why not change the rules to allow (or mandate) mail-in voting?” asked no one, apparently. Four states are still set to hold their primaries on Tuesday: Arizona, Florida, Ohio, and Illinois, where officials are sanitizing polling sites, and encouraging people to vote early or vote by mail. Three other states are scheduled to host primaries in April, and it remains to be seen whether they follow Louisiana’s lead.

What Else?

Stocks surged when executives announced how they would help with coronavirus efforts during Trump’s press conference, which we know is the most important outcome for Trump.
Trump claimed that Google was building a nationwide website to help people figure out whether and how to get a coronavirus test. In actuality, Google’s sister company Verily is building a trial website that will roll out in the Bay Area. Another lie he verily hath told.
The full DC Circuit Court of Appeal wiped out a smaller panel’s ruling that the House could not use the courts to enforce subpoenas of administration officials, and will rehear the case.
Bill Gates has stepped down from Microsoft’s board of directors to spend more time on his philanthropic projects.
An internal Fox News memo warned employees about the risks of COVID-19, and emphasized the network’s responsibility to provide accurate information. This might be, in a world strewn with ignored memos, the most ignored memo ever sent.
New York’s attorney general has ordered Alex Jones to knock it off with the coronavirus toothpaste. Soulja Boy, meanwhile, is getting rich selling his very normal soap, a thing we all knew Soulja Boy sold, before now.
Republican lawmakers in Florida approved a proposal to impose restrictions on ballot initiatives, after Floridians used the process to try to ban gerrymandering.
Former Tallahassee Mayor and Florida’s Democratic gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum was tied to a suspected meth overdose in a Miami Beach hotel. Gillum said in a statement that he had too much to drink at a wedding, but that he has not used methamphetamines.
All 16 Dead Sea Scroll fragments at Washington, DC’s Museum of the Bibles have turned out to be modern forgeries. The fragments in the Israel Museum are definitely real, but these fakes raise serious doubts about other scroll snippets that surfaced after 2002.
Pete Buttigieg guest-hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live! to a mostly empty studio last night. A fever dream even those of us currently without fevers can enjoy.

Be Smarter

School districts are closing across the U.S. due to the coronavirus, creating an obstacle to millions of kids who rely on school meals. Millions of students depend on the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National School Meal Program, some as their only source of nutrition. No Kid Hungry estimates that 11 million children come from food-insecure homes. Individual school districts are taking their own measures to make sure students don’t go hungry, but they have to navigate around a web of federal rules to do so. If you’re looking for ways to help out during the crisis, donating to a charitable organization that’s working to feed vulnerable kids is a great place to start

Is That Hope I Feel?

As hard as the Trump administration has been whiffing it, it’s been nice to see how many city governments, companies, and individuals are stepping up. Here’s a round-up of some of the action underway:

Enjoy

grant 🧔🏻 on Twitter: "Gloria Gaynor washing her hands to I Will Survive is the hand washing video I didn’t know I needed"
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2020.02.24 19:20 fractalfay Baby I Will Pray for You: Recap of Before the 90 Days S04E01

Welcome to another fantastic season of Before the 90 Days, which promises the series’ first same sex couple and Darcey’s enrollment in Acting 102: The Girlfriend Experience. Sadly, this episode denies us the rainbow-haired greeting and Darcey wearing what appears to be a tshirt with titties on it underneath a wedding dress, but fret not, there is still much mayo to mess your mug.
In the ghost of 90DF past, Natalie burned out on a scooter to escape Ashley’s pre-Angela ponytail. Now Big Ed is here to show us the true magic of mounting the scooter steed, complete with tiny Teddy the Wonder Dog tucked into a bubble backpack. He scoots about town acknowledging friendly passers-by, tiny Teddy poking his little dog nose out the hatch window. Can you imagine being mad at Big Ed? That’s like being furious at a Prince song, or yelling at candy. It just doesn’t work.
Anyway, Big Ed got his nickname when he summoned it from the land of Narf: “Because I’m 4’11. I’m short. Because of the short thing. It’s ironic. Wait, is that ironic? Alanis Morrisette destroyed us all. I am short, so fake big. People say ‘Hey Big Ed’ and then the lulz happen. Get it?” he over-explains, for the first time but not the last.
Teddy the Wonder Dog is introduced as his best friend, which I support, because four legs good, two legs bad. To keep Teddy in biscuits, Big Ed is gainfully employed as a photographer, and he succeeds in not creeping out clients with his praise while they arrange themselves in leafy garments. He also has a spent marriage under his belt that fell apart because he cheated on The Mrs. Paul managed to justify arson, and Big Ed is all, “Yeah, I fucked up.” I’m going to pause to knight Sir Big Ed, first of his name, defender of self awareness, reclaimer of accountability, noble speaker to nicknames, carrier of the canine.
Big Ed spent 28 post-marriage years as a singleton, raising his daughter and rocking his career, until he entered the devil’s punch bowl known as The Facebook, and found a 19 year-old girl from the Philippines to love for her personality. He’s been sending Rosemarie gifts since their fourth week of acquaintance, and she hasn’t received any of them yet, but this hasn’t dissuaded Ed. Of course, many of the gifts he sent are his special requirements for his skin condition, but still, those pillows and fancy sheets will linger long after his itchy self is gone.
He scoots on over to UPS with his latest package, and introduces us to an attractive UPS employee that doubles as Big Ed’s therapist. The cameras zoom in on that wedding ring, because they’ve known our thirst since Larissa’s slow-jam of a lawyer bass-lined into our hearts. They also linger on the background Pride flag for a minute, so we know the UPS welcomes all parched persons.
Then Ed goes to visit his mom Norma, who resembles his daughter, to ask if she can dog sit Teddy. She’s an immigrant from Mexico herself, and is skeptical of Ed’s relationship, and his haircut. Big Ed reveals that he’s already bought a ring and he’s serious, but Mother Norma traverses this obstacle to press him about his daughter, and he admits he hasn’t considered her feelings about dating a woman younger than she is. They haven’t spoken in four weeks, and Ed realizes how foolish this is, and calls her from his car to leave a message, asking to talk to her about what she’s experiencing.
Did anyone else pause to make sure they were watching the right show when this happened? Did I get too high on Avery’s photographs?
Definitely, because is Ed’s next scene he’s trotting into his kitchen wearing a festive kimono, to fetch his unlabeled hair mayonnaise from the fridge, and a slotted turner for application purposes. He monkey slaps the slotted wonder against the jar’s mouth, which fails to open enough to receive this utensil, then mushes it onto his head, all the while wearing latex gloves to protect his hands from the hazards of egg yolk. He quickly explains that this is a solution to a brittle hair problem informed by box dye devotion, and his daughter is holding vinegar rinse and rosemary oil wisdom hostage until he ghosts the 19 year-old.
Once he’s combed his hair into a full Fonzie, he skypes Rose, who has a hand-gesture conversation with Big Ed before she holds up a child named Prince to call Ed daddy, which in the tongue of 90DF means “man over 25.” Big Ed then admits that he doesn’t entirely trust her, and he’s “kind of a germaphobe” which means he’s going to need her to take an STD test.
“Fuck that!” Lisa interjects.
“Wow, my influence is really strong in this episode,” Paul is ready to help. “Remember, since there’s a margin of error, she should take at least six STD tests. No, eight. No, at least a dozen. I need to call Karine…”
Big Ed has also noted that she has 4,000 friends on Facebook, which definitely isn’t because she’s 19 years old and accepts any and every friend request. Unsettled by this headcount of strangers, he asks for more information, which reminds Rose that her internet connection has been acting up lately, so Big Ed is going to have to sort this out with Teddy and the UPS guy over mayo.
Remember that marijuana leaf I’m trashed on? Meet Avery, a Seattle stereotype doing yoga on the beach, the cameras faithfully recording every pose from the most sexualized angle possible. She’s a single mom, dental hygienist, and Grey’s Anatomy enthusiast, but still leaves (see what I did?) sufficient time for her true passion: taking photographs of pot leaves on top of food. Now I don’t have a degree in weed or anything, but I’m pretty sure the bulk of the high comes from a component of the plant known as the bud, which is generally broken up and either cooked into a candy confection of some kind, or stuffed into a pipe for my partner to loudly judge from the open window of our kitchen. The leaves are for making tea when you’ve fucked up and run out of weed.
Avery met an instagram dude from Australia named Ash, who is a relationship coach, specializing in women he wants to fuck. This coaching is communicated through bug-eyed videos stuffed fat with a hodgepodge of new age circle-jerk phrases.
“Female energy connection journey,” He begins. “Communication gratitude motivation positive conscious negativity togetherness pleasure. Toxins true heart-centered twin-flame dream it be it core feminine power. Cursive signature, vague reference to eastern traditions, photo of a sunset.”
Wooed by this gobbledegook, Avery is planning a visit to meet him, hoping he’s a better option than the dot-com dudebro who talked her into moving to California and naming her child Silver (as in hi-ho). Sure, she’s a single mom without much money to spend, but that has never stopped anyone on this show. At the same time, she’s skeptical of his very specific business, but is still willing to lean hard on a babysitter tasked with caring for her children while she heads down under and see if this man is above board (I did it again).
Before doing this, she stops by to hang out with her friend Jared, whom she describes as a “pretty big deal in the cannabis industry.” Something tells me all of her relationships include a person she would describe in similar fashion, with similar apartments with lavish views. Anyway, Jared has preserved a single pot leaf in a green bag, so that she can pull it out and sniff it and ask the oracle if this is the one, while he looks at her in confusion and wonders if she wants more from the dumpster he’s filled out back. Jared and Avery dated many moons ago, and according to Jared, she drove him to the brink of madness with her sniffed-leaf salads, and he’s worried that this is going to be another bad decision.
Avery has no shortage of attractive friends, and later meets another set of them so they can express astonishment at her choices. Avery admits that it’s possible that, as a relationship coach, he might just know the right things to say. She confesses there have been “red flags,”and these flags need to have a theme song already if we’re going to keep saluting them while they wave in the air. Said flags include a bankruptcy, which prevents him from visiting her in the US. Ash says this bankruptcy is due to a shady business partner who took all of his money, and he kept this under wraps because…hmm. Josh and Jen are worried. Avery then harkens back to the first time the red ran up the pole, when she noticed THE FACEBOOK status of Ash was not switched to “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated” or “for fuck’s sake delete facebook already.” So they took the left hand path to THE INSTAGRAM, and discovered the photos he had posted of Avery were deleted. Nothing else, just the Avery pics. Red flag waving in the breeze, Ash explains that this was the work of a rogue hacking collective responsible for countless unsolicited dick pics, and publicly posted racist comments. Quick, someone call Neo to get inside the Matrix and bring this menacing band of selective deleters to justice! This information leaves Josh and Jen staring at her blankly, wondering if this free trip and television debut is worth meeting yet another man with mayo hair.
On to Geoffrey, whom you might recognize from the classic Julia Roberts’ movie Sleeping With the Enemy. When Geoffrey’s not turning around all the cans in the cupboard so the labels face forward, or discovering his wife chopped her hair and flushed her ring to flee to another country, he’s trolling the internet for someone who doesn’t have access to American media.
Let’s just hit the bullet points of this fucking guy: Not one but FOUR ex-wives, all of which have accused him of domestic battery, one of whom accused him of repeatedly raping her, and a felony drug conviction that prevents him from moving to another country. Brittany, wife #4, is 19 years his junior, and has joint Canada-Jamaica citizenship. She fled to Canada, saying that he abused her and her two sons. Despite Brittney’s declaration that she feared for their safety, the judge inexplicably awarded custody to Geoffrey…and the kid died within one month. I’m not saying this is perfect math, but there’s enough equation there to equal how the fuck did that kid have a deadly seizure?
But you didn’t think he stopped at four instances of abuse, did you? He’s also accused of beating, raping, and kidnapping his last girlfriend. This instance, along with wife #3 submitting an affidavit attesting to him being a fucking psychopath, allowed Brittany to finally gain full custody of their remaining child. I mean, there’s “that’s questionable” and there’s “what the fuck is wrong with the producers?” This would be the latter.
Varia, who should be glad there’s cameras blocking her body, is Geoffrey’s next victim. His sons are hesitant about his upcoming travel to meet her, since they don’t know if Russian prisons allow for bail. He declares there’s a risk he’ll be heartbroken, because his whole emotional experience is in her hands. Later, he meets with a friend and the one woman in his life he hasn’t beat up yet, and…oh fuck this. I cannot stand writing another syllable about this piece of shit. The 90DF producers have committed an egregious error, deciding to keep this guy in the cast after details of his skeleton-stuffed closet came to light. We are a low-bar team, but I’m not giving a serial woman beater another wink of attention. Fuck you, Geoffrey.
Back to the sort of wow that we demand every Sunday: 90DF decides to give us a break from Geoffrey with something easier on the eyes, like armpit waxing. Meet Angela 2: Electric Boogaloo! Electros rule the dance floor now! Lisa’s got travel plans, and doesn’t want to arrive looking like she’s got a troll doll in a headlock. This is apparently just one tiny patch of her full body wax. Unless she’s a Sasquatch, I don’t understand this commitment to body baldness, but everyone assures me that scads of women shave every orifice and skin strip and apply the lost hair to their eyebrows.
Lisa is a hospice nurse, and met her man as a result of working late shifts, since she relies on social media for socializing. Guzman is reportedly a celebrity in Nigeria, and he cooked up a rap track as part of his woo-the-older-lady project. Guzman’s hip hop name is SojaBoy, not to be confused with Soulja Boy, who gifted us that Superman dance that entertained me at bus stops for years, and is destined to be performed by white people at weddings, and by me at my niece’s high school graduation while she hides in the bathroom. For rap hit inspiration, Guzman thumbed through an encyclopedia of generic romantic sentiment, called his single-ladies-only relationship coach, and dropped this track:
“My baby girl Lisa, having a head and two arms and a torso,” he Shakespeares. “Walking around eating food, going to sleep at night, paying her bills the third Thursday. I pray for you girl, that you will never google me girl. I’ll floss all my teeth for you girl. I’ll call you girl now girl. I’ll double that cheese now girl. I don’t need the patties or bun girl. Just give me that cheese girl. I love you so very. Loyalty.” Lisa swooned and clutched her chest.
Of course, like every older woman to grace this show, Lisa has concerns about the feee-males on The Facebook. In Lisa’s free time she scrolls through his every post and comment for reasons to be jealous. When she isolates a heart-shape, she screenshots it and sends it to Guzman, demanding to know why other people exist. She suggests he “tighten up his facebook” which assures us that she will hold US citizenship over his head for at least the next ten episodes.
Later, Lisa goes out for sugar bombs with friend Nikki, and encourages said friend to try the Oreo version of whatever the fuck she’s drinking, before adding, “Try a Nigerian, you might like him, too.” Okay, at least The OA (Original Angela) didn’t reference Michael as an object from a collection friends should browse for their pleasure chest. Lisa tells Nikki she’s getting married in Nigeria, because SojaBoy proposed to her, but she wants the proposal to also happen in person. Nikki wonders what she’ll do if the sex is no good, and Lisa interprets this as him disliking sex with her, and declares that she has a secret weapon.
“He has only ever had protected sex. Not with me,” she insists. “We’re going bareback, and then I will lock him down with HPV.”
“is that why you waxed?” Nikki is flummoxed.
“Bingo, bitch.”
Nikki still has a hard time believing he’s been loyal for the full two years of their relationship. Good thing Lisa has a rock-solid defense: “Did you hear that song he wrote for me?”
Yes, we heard it Lisa. Did you?
Sharing an age and nothing else with Lisa is Yolanda. She reports that she lost 150 pounds by power walking and working with a trainer, and was with her husband Duane for 30 years. He got sick and died of kidney disease, leaving her to raise six seemingly well-adjusted children, who describe her as “beautiful, kind.” Can we just stop and cry now, because this woman does not deserve to be on this show. I want to put her on the Bachelor where she’s surrounded by a ring of competitive men desperate for a surrendered rose. She needs more kindness and less con.
Anyway, after her husband’s death and her significant weight loss, she started posting on The Gram, where she met Williams: a 40 year-old restaurant manager who is possibly invisible. Yolanda declares that she enjoys the feeling of being liked, and she talks to him up to five times a day. She receives a flurry of text messages while talking to the camera, and Yolanda declares, “He puts a rose next to my name every time. How can you not fall in love with that?” Williams is going to have to register for Paul’s next awkward marathon into the jungle now, because everyone is coming for him if he does Yolanda dirty.
Yolanda reveals that she lied about her age, telling Williams she’s 45 instead of 51. She’s certain that they haven’t FaceTimed only because he doesn’t have a camera. Her daughter Cara isn’t having it. She shares a resale business with mom, and is the only one of the six children to know it’s 90DF filming, not a weight-loss show. Cara is not about to let her mother step off a plane to greet no one, so she’s coming with her. When she talks about Williams she giggles, and I’m wondering if she’s not ready for a real relationship yet, and is clinging to this fantasy for a low-stakes connection instead.
Later, Yolanda declares there’s nothing sexier than a British accent, and she calls Williams…who has an African accent. Will someone please download an episode of Downton Abbey or something for this woman? Yolanda then admits that initially he asked for money so he could book a Maria flight to not visit her, but she insisted that she would come visit him instead.
Yolanda reveals more about her relationship with Duane, who apparently had troubles with the law, and spent the last six years of his life in prison. He didn’t want visitors during this time, so Yolanda was denied the opportunity to say goodbye. Can someone please bring Teddy the Wonder Dog to Yolanda for comfort? Please? She gathers her children for dinner, and admits she met someone and is traveling to meet him. Her kids accuse the man of having a last name for a first name, and seem worried that he isn’t real. One daughter cries, perhaps because her mom is trying to move on, and then Yolanda cries and asks them to be happy for her, because she needs a partner. The well-adjusted children tone it down and say they hope it works out, and later take Cara aside to remind her she should go for the eyes and groin first. Meanwhile, everyone at home isolates a relative or friend better suited for Yolanda, and we will later debate the best options using charts and graphs.
Next week! Darcey tries on wedding dresses (proposal be damned!), Avery tells her parents they’re going to be watching her children for 2.5 weeks, Lisa’s friends plan an unsuccessful intervention, Yolanda becomes suspicious as Williams forgets where he lives, and Big Ed packs up his travel mayo for his overseas exodus.
Thank you, Patreon supporters! Interested parties should hustle to patreon.com/Fractalfay!
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2020.02.24 19:18 fractalfay Baby I will Pray for You: Recap of S04E01 of Before the 90 Days

Welcome to another fantastic season of Before the 90 Days, which promises the series’ first same sex couple and Darcey’s enrollment in Acting 102: The Girlfriend Experience. Sadly, this episode denies us the rainbow-haired greeting and Darcey wearing what appears to be a tshirt with titties on it underneath a wedding dress, but fret not, there is still much mayo to mess your mug.
In the ghost of 90DF past, Natalie burned out on a scooter to escape Ashley’s pre-Angela ponytail. Now Big Ed is here to show us the true magic of mounting the scooter steed, complete with tiny Teddy the Wonder Dog tucked into a bubble backpack. He scoots about town acknowledging friendly passers-by, tiny Teddy poking his little dog nose out the hatch window. Can you imagine being mad at Big Ed? That’s like being furious at a Prince song, or yelling at candy. It just doesn’t work.
Anyway, Big Ed got his nickname when he summoned it from the land of Narf: “Because I’m 4’11. I’m short. Because of the short thing. It’s ironic. Wait, is that ironic? Alanis Morrisette destroyed us all. I am short, so fake big. People say ‘Hey Big Ed’ and then the lulz happen. Get it?” he over-explains, for the first time but not the last.
Teddy the Wonder Dog is introduced as his best friend, which I support, because four legs good, two legs bad. To keep Teddy in biscuits, Big Ed is gainfully employed as a photographer, and he succeeds in not creeping out clients with his praise while they arrange themselves in leafy garments. He also has a spent marriage under his belt that fell apart because he cheated on The Mrs. Paul managed to justify arson, and Big Ed is all, “Yeah, I fucked up.” I’m going to pause to knight Sir Big Ed, first of his name, defender of self awareness, reclaimer of accountability, noble speaker to nicknames, carrier of the canine.
Big Ed spent 28 post-marriage years as a singleton, raising his daughter and rocking his career, until he entered the devil’s punch bowl known as The Facebook, and found a 19 year-old girl from the Philippines to love for her personality. He’s been sending Rosemarie gifts since their fourth week of acquaintance, and she hasn’t received any of them yet, but this hasn’t dissuaded Ed. Of course, many of the gifts he sent are his special requirements for his skin condition, but still, those pillows and fancy sheets will linger long after his itchy self is gone.
He scoots on over to UPS with his latest package, and introduces us to an attractive UPS employee that doubles as Big Ed’s therapist. The cameras zoom in on that wedding ring, because they’ve known our thirst since Larissa’s slow-jam of a lawyer bass-lined into our hearts. They also linger on the background Pride flag for a minute, so we know the UPS welcomes all parched persons.
Then Ed goes to visit his mom Norma, who resembles his daughter, to ask if she can dog sit Teddy. She’s an immigrant from Mexico herself, and is skeptical of Ed’s relationship, and his haircut. Big Ed reveals that he’s already bought a ring and he’s serious, but Mother Norma traverses this obstacle to press him about his daughter, and he admits he hasn’t considered her feelings about dating a woman younger than she is. They haven’t spoken in four weeks, and Ed realizes how foolish this is, and calls her from his car to leave a message, asking to talk to her about what she’s experiencing.
Did anyone else pause to make sure they were watching the right show when this happened? Did I get too high on Avery’s photographs?
Definitely, because is Ed’s next scene he’s trotting into his kitchen wearing a festive kimono, to fetch his unlabeled hair mayonnaise from the fridge, and a slotted turner for application purposes. He monkey slaps the slotted wonder against the jar’s mouth, which fails to open enough to receive this utensil, then mushes it onto his head, all the while wearing latex gloves to protect his hands from the hazards of egg yolk. He quickly explains that this is a solution to a brittle hair problem informed by box dye devotion, and his daughter is holding vinegar rinse and rosemary oil wisdom hostage until he ghosts the 19 year-old.
Once he’s combed his hair into a full Fonzie, he skypes Rose, who has a hand-gesture conversation with Big Ed before she holds up a child named Prince to call Ed daddy, which in the tongue of 90DF means “man over 25.” Big Ed then admits that he doesn’t entirely trust her, and he’s “kind of a germaphobe” which means he’s going to need her to take an STD test.
“Fuck that!” Lisa interjects.
“Wow, my influence is really strong in this episode,” Paul is ready to help. “Remember, since there’s a margin of error, she should take at least six STD tests. No, eight. No, at least a dozen. I need to call Karine…”
Big Ed has also noted that she has 4,000 friends on Facebook, which definitely isn’t because she’s 19 years old and accepts any and every friend request. Unsettled by this headcount of strangers, he asks for more information, which reminds Rose that her internet connection has been acting up lately, so Big Ed is going to have to sort this out with Teddy and the UPS guy over mayo.
Remember that marijuana leaf I’m trashed on? Meet Avery, a Seattle stereotype doing yoga on the beach, the cameras faithfully recording every pose from the most sexualized angle possible. She’s a single mom, dental hygienist, and Grey’s Anatomy enthusiast, but still leaves (see what I did?) sufficient time for her true passion: taking photographs of pot leaves on top of food. Now I don’t have a degree in weed or anything, but I’m pretty sure the bulk of the high comes from a component of the plant known as the bud, which is generally broken up and either cooked into a candy confection of some kind, or stuffed into a pipe for my partner to loudly judge from the open window of our kitchen. The leaves are for making tea when you’ve fucked up and run out of weed.
Avery met an instagram dude from Australia named Ash, who is a relationship coach, specializing in women he wants to fuck. This coaching is communicated through bug-eyed videos stuffed fat with a hodgepodge of new age circle-jerk phrases.
“Female energy connection journey,” He begins. “Communication gratitude motivation positive conscious negativity togetherness pleasure. Toxins true heart-centered twin-flame dream it be it core feminine power. Cursive signature, vague reference to eastern traditions, photo of a sunset.”
Wooed by this gobbledegook, Avery is planning a visit to meet him, hoping he’s a better option than the dot-com dudebro who talked her into moving to California and naming her child Silver (as in hi-ho). Sure, she’s a single mom without much money to spend, but that has never stopped anyone on this show. At the same time, she’s skeptical of his very specific business, but is still willing to lean hard on a babysitter tasked with caring for her children while she heads down under and see if this man is above board (I did it again).
Before doing this, she stops by to hang out with her friend Jared, whom she describes as a “pretty big deal in the cannabis industry.” Something tells me all of her relationships include a person she would describe in similar fashion, with similar apartments with lavish views. Anyway, Jared has preserved a single pot leaf in a green bag, so that she can pull it out and sniff it and ask the oracle if this is the one, while he looks at her in confusion and wonders if she wants more from the dumpster he’s filled out back. Jared and Avery dated many moons ago, and according to Jared, she drove him to the brink of madness with her sniffed-leaf salads, and he’s worried that this is going to be another bad decision.
Avery has no shortage of attractive friends, and later meets another set of them so they can express astonishment at her choices. Avery admits that it’s possible that, as a relationship coach, he might just know the right things to say. She confesses there have been “red flags,”and these flags need to have a theme song already if we’re going to keep saluting them while they wave in the air. Said flags include a bankruptcy, which prevents him from visiting her in the US. Ash says this bankruptcy is due to a shady business partner who took all of his money, and he kept this under wraps because…hmm. Josh and Jen are worried. Avery then harkens back to the first time the red ran up the pole, when she noticed THE FACEBOOK status of Ash was not switched to “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated” or “for fuck’s sake delete facebook already.” So they took the left hand path to THE INSTAGRAM, and discovered the photos he had posted of Avery were deleted. Nothing else, just the Avery pics. Red flag waving in the breeze, Ash explains that this was the work of a rogue hacking collective responsible for countless unsolicited dick pics, and publicly posted racist comments. Quick, someone call Neo to get inside the Matrix and bring this menacing band of selective deleters to justice! This information leaves Josh and Jen staring at her blankly, wondering if this free trip and television debut is worth meeting yet another man with mayo hair.
On to Geoffrey, whom you might recognize from the classic Julia Roberts’ movie Sleeping With the Enemy. When Geoffrey’s not turning around all the cans in the cupboard so the labels face forward, or discovering his wife chopped her hair and flushed her ring to flee to another country, he’s trolling the internet for someone who doesn’t have access to American media.
Let’s just hit the bullet points of this fucking guy: Not one but FOUR ex-wives, all of which have accused him of domestic battery, one of whom accused him of repeatedly raping her, and a felony drug conviction that prevents him from moving to another country. Brittany, wife #4, is 19 years his junior, and has joint Canada-Jamaica citizenship. She fled to Canada, saying that he abused her and her two sons. Despite Brittney’s declaration that she feared for their safety, the judge inexplicably awarded custody to Geoffrey…and the kid died within one month. I’m not saying this is perfect math, but there’s enough equation there to equal how the fuck did that kid have a deadly seizure?
But you didn’t think he stopped at four instances of abuse, did you? He’s also accused of beating, raping, and kidnapping his last girlfriend. This instance, along with wife #3 submitting an affidavit attesting to him being a fucking psychopath, allowed Brittany to finally gain full custody of their remaining child. I mean, there’s “that’s questionable” and there’s “what the fuck is wrong with the producers?” This would be the latter.
Varia, who should be glad there’s cameras blocking her body, is Geoffrey’s next victim. His sons are hesitant about his upcoming travel to meet her, since they don’t know if Russian prisons allow for bail. He declares there’s a risk he’ll be heartbroken, because his whole emotional experience is in her hands. Later, he meets with a friend and the one woman in his life he hasn’t beat up yet, and…oh fuck this. I cannot stand writing another syllable about this piece of shit. The 90DF producers have committed an egregious error, deciding to keep this guy in the cast after details of his skeleton-stuffed closet came to light. We are a low-bar team, but I’m not giving a serial woman beater another wink of attention. Fuck you, Geoffrey.
Back to the sort of wow that we demand every Sunday: 90DF decides to give us a break from Geoffrey with something easier on the eyes, like armpit waxing. Meet Angela 2: Electric Boogaloo! Electros rule the dance floor now! Lisa’s got travel plans, and doesn’t want to arrive looking like she’s got a troll doll in a headlock. This is apparently just one tiny patch of her full body wax. Unless she’s a Sasquatch, I don’t understand this commitment to body baldness, but everyone assures me that scads of women shave every orifice and skin strip and apply the lost hair to their eyebrows.
Lisa is a hospice nurse, and met her man as a result of working late shifts, since she relies on social media for socializing. Guzman is reportedly a celebrity in Nigeria, and he cooked up a rap track as part of his woo-the-older-lady project. Guzman’s hip hop name is SojaBoy, not to be confused with Soulja Boy, who gifted us that Superman dance that entertained me at bus stops for years, and is destined to be performed by white people at weddings, and by me at my niece’s high school graduation while she hides in the bathroom. For rap hit inspiration, Guzman thumbed through an encyclopedia of generic romantic sentiment, called his single-ladies-only relationship coach, and dropped this track:
“My baby girl Lisa, having a head and two arms and a torso,” he Shakespeares. “Walking around eating food, going to sleep at night, paying her bills the third Thursday. I pray for you girl, that you will never google me girl. I’ll floss all my teeth for you girl. I’ll call you girl now girl. I’ll double that cheese now girl. I don’t need the patties or bun girl. Just give me that cheese girl. I love you so very. Loyalty.” Lisa swooned and clutched her chest.
Of course, like every older woman to grace this show, Lisa has concerns about the feee-males on The Facebook. In Lisa’s free time she scrolls through his every post and comment for reasons to be jealous. When she isolates a heart-shape, she screenshots it and sends it to Guzman, demanding to know why other people exist. She suggests he “tighten up his facebook” which assures us that she will hold US citizenship over his head for at least the next ten episodes.
Later, Lisa goes out for sugar bombs with friend Nikki, and encourages said friend to try the Oreo version of whatever the fuck she’s drinking, before adding, “Try a Nigerian, you might like him, too.” Okay, at least The OA (Original Angela) didn’t reference Michael as an object from a collection friends should browse for their pleasure chest. Lisa tells Nikki she’s getting married in Nigeria, because SojaBoy proposed to her, but she wants the proposal to also happen in person. Nikki wonders what she’ll do if the sex is no good, and Lisa interprets this as him disliking sex with her, and declares that she has a secret weapon.
“He has only ever had protected sex. Not with me,” she insists. “We’re going bareback, and then I will lock him down with HPV.”
“is that why you waxed?” Nikki is flummoxed.
“Bingo, bitch.”
Nikki still has a hard time believing he’s been loyal for the full two years of their relationship. Good thing Lisa has a rock-solid defense: “Did you hear that song he wrote for me?”
Yes, we heard it Lisa. Did you?
Sharing an age and nothing else with Lisa is Yolanda. She reports that she lost 150 pounds by power walking and working with a trainer, and was with her husband Duane for 30 years. He got sick and died of kidney disease, leaving her to raise six seemingly well-adjusted children, who describe her as “beautiful, kind.” Can we just stop and cry now, because this woman does not deserve to be on this show. I want to put her on the Bachelor where she’s surrounded by a ring of competitive men desperate for a surrendered rose. She needs more kindness and less con.
Anyway, after her husband’s death and her significant weight loss, she started posting on The Gram, where she met Williams: a 40 year-old restaurant manager who is possibly invisible. Yolanda declares that she enjoys the feeling of being liked, and she talks to him up to five times a day. She receives a flurry of text messages while talking to the camera, and Yolanda declares, “He puts a rose next to my name every time. How can you not fall in love with that?” Williams is going to have to register for Paul’s next awkward marathon into the jungle now, because everyone is coming for him if he does Yolanda dirty.
Yolanda reveals that she lied about her age, telling Williams she’s 45 instead of 51. She’s certain that they haven’t FaceTimed only because he doesn’t have a camera. Her daughter Cara isn’t having it. She shares a resale business with mom, and is the only one of the six children to know it’s 90DF filming, not a weight-loss show. Cara is not about to let her mother step off a plane to greet no one, so she’s coming with her. When she talks about Williams she giggles, and I’m wondering if she’s not ready for a real relationship yet, and is clinging to this fantasy for a low-stakes connection instead.
Later, Yolanda declares there’s nothing sexier than a British accent, and she calls Williams…who has an African accent. Will someone please download an episode of Downton Abbey or something for this woman? Yolanda then admits that initially he asked for money so he could book a Maria flight to not visit her, but she insisted that she would come visit him instead.
Yolanda reveals more about her relationship with Duane, who apparently had troubles with the law, and spent the last six years of his life in prison. He didn’t want visitors during this time, so Yolanda was denied the opportunity to say goodbye. Can someone please bring Teddy the Wonder Dog to Yolanda for comfort? Please? She gathers her children for dinner, and admits she met someone and is traveling to meet him. Her kids accuse the man of having a last name for a first name, and seem worried that he isn’t real. One daughter cries, perhaps because her mom is trying to move on, and then Yolanda cries and asks them to be happy for her, because she needs a partner. The well-adjusted children tone it down and say they hope it works out, and later take Cara aside to remind her she should go for the eyes and groin first. Meanwhile, everyone at home isolates a relative or friend better suited for Yolanda, and we will later debate the best options using charts and graphs.
Next week! Darcey tries on wedding dresses (proposal be damned!), Avery tells her parents they’re going to be watching her children for 2.5 weeks, Lisa’s friends plan an unsuccessful intervention, Yolanda becomes suspicious as Williams forgets where he lives, and Big Ed packs up his travel mayo for his overseas exodus.
Thank you, Patreon supporters!
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2019.04.28 04:54 d8uv Ultimate Song Tournament 1992-2007, or why “Under the Bridge” is the best song of the 90s and 00s.

I was curious as to what the best song of the 90s and 00s would be. To figure this out, I created a massive 256-song tournament, and ran through it with my partner antarris

Our Filled Bracket

http://www.d8uv.org/misc/song-tournament-1992-2007-filled-out.png

What the hell is that thing up there

For each year in our tournament, I took the top 16 songs from Billboard’s Year-End Hot 100 chart (which measures a song’s overall popularity over the course of the year), and seeded them appropriately (so that the more popular songs have a slight advantage). Then, I took the output of the 16 years, and ran a tournament to find the best song of the 90s, the best song of the 00s, then pitted those two winners in the grand final.
Note: In the filled-out bracket, we were mostly in agreement. When we absolutely couldn’t agree, we had to split. Splits are denoted by slashes; the song on top is d8uv’s choice, and the song on bottom is antarris’s choice.

Notes from the tournament

1992—Winner: “Under The Bridge”

d8uv: Note: “Smells Like Teen Spirit”–you know, the song that changed the entire rock genre—only got up to 32. And yet, “Just Another Day”, a song that you have never heard of, was the 10th most popular song. What the hell was wrong with the people of 1992? antarris: Not everyone was an angsty white suburban teenager, you know.

1993—Winner: “Nuthin’ But A ‘G’ Thang”

antarris: I don’t even know who like a third of these people even are. “I Will Always Love You” nearly won my bracket.

1994—Winner: d8uv: “Whatta Man”, antarris: “Don’t Turn Around”

antarris: The Sign was the first album I ever owned. I sang “Don’t Turn Around” in the shower through my mid-twenties. Sorry-not-sorry. d8uv: This was the year of Ace of Base, and as much as I love my trashy eurodance, the sound hasn’t aged particularly well. antarris: I live for my trashy eurodance. Fight me.

1995—Winner: d8uv: “Waterfalls”, antarris: “Gangsta’s Paradise”

antarris: “Waterfalls” is just a touch behind for me, probably because my little sister played it incessantly. She was seven. d8uv: Antarris called “Gangsta’s Paradise” out as “the only rap song every white person knows”. This was meant as a compliment, but I know better.

1996—Winner: d8uv: “Tha Crossroads”, antarris: “C’mon N’ Ride It (The Train)”

d8uv: When pressed for comment, all antarris said was “... it’s a choo-choo train.” antarris: Pure fucking lyrical genius. “Tha Crossroads” is my second favorite, though. d8uv: Still, I found myself honestly surprised at how much I liked “Tha Crossroads”.

1997—Winner: “Wannabe”

d8uv: This—like 1994—was a surprisingly weak year. Every matchup other than the final was super easy, and even the final wasn’t that hard. antarris: “Semi-Charmed Life” was #17. It would have won my bracket. I probably should’ve bought it instead of recording the video off MTV.

1998—Winner: “How’s It Going To Be”

antarris: This year was also surprisingly weak. Lots of “this is my third favorite song from this artist.” d8uv: Elton John cheated with a mediocre song that made into two years of this tournament.

1999—Winner: “Livin’ la Vida Loca”

d8uv: This had the hardest matchup in the entire tournament. The seeding was unkind, and forced two songs that would have won the year if they didn’t have to clash. “No Scrubs” vs. “Livin’ la Vida Loca”. But, in the end, Ricky Martin just barely beat TLC. I’m still not sure if this was the right choice. antarris: If “No Scrubs” had won, it would have made it just as far as “Livin’ La Vida Loca” did. It’s that good. My mom thinks we made the wrong choice, though.

2000—Winner: “Smooth”

antarris: I honestly thought d8uv would fight me on this one. I remembered him saying he absolutely hated “Smooth”. d8uv: My dad only listens to Classic Rock. So, when Santana came out with new music, of course he had to Limewire it, and he loved those singles. I heard “Smooth” so many times my teeth fell right out of my head. Turns out, it’s actually a great song. Who knew?

2001—Winner: “Fallin’”

antarris: A garbage-ass year. I’m pretty sure I rounded third base listening to that Staind song, though. d8uv: I thought Dido would win, since I love that song and still play it. antarris: I think you mean “Stan”.

2002—Winner: “In The End”

d8uv: Hybrid Theory is the rare album that became better over time. antarris: Seriously. I hated this in 2002. Love it now.

2003—Winner: “Crazy in Love”

antarris: I had somehow never even heard “Crazy in Love” before. Wow. d8uv: This did not win because it was novel. Lord knows, these pop charts are filled with random songs that we’ve forgotten. Almost every single one was forgotten for a reason. antarris: To be fair, I think 2001 made me give up on pop music for like a decade.

2004—Winner: “Hey Ya!”

d8uv: Outkast was as popular as they deserve, for once. antarris: I was promised Enya. I got baby Adam Levine instead. What the actual fuck.

2005—Winner: “Gold Digger”

antarris: That’s not even the best song named “Shake It Off.” d8uv: Kanye can be very VERY good when he tries.

2006—Winner: “Crazy”

antarris: “Crazy” vs. “Ridin’” was hard for me. I’m still not sure if I made the right call. d8uv: Are you sure you weren’t thinking of the Weird Al version? antarris: Yes. Fuck off.

2007—Winner: “Umbrella”

d8uv: Here it is, the weakest year of the tournament. There’s like one, maybe two good songs in this list.

90s Grand Tournament—Winner: “Under The Bridge”

d8uv: This was harder than the individual years, because we love every single one of these songs. “Under The Bridge” vs. “Nuthin’ but A ‘G’ Thang” was particularly brutal for me. antarris: We started listening to high-quality versions of the songs here instead of just streaming YouTube. Coolio going over Ace of Base in my bracket surprised me.

00s Grand Tournament—Winner: “In The End”

antarris: “Umbrella” over “Crazy” and “Gold Digger”? Really? It’s like I don’t even know you! d8uv: Should I pack up and leave? Maybe head to the train station? antarris: I picked the song about choo-choo tr--oh, I see what you did there. Not cool. d8uv: This song was always great, it just took a few years for people to forget the stank of nu-metal.

The Grand Final—Winner: “Under The Bridge”

d8uv: They tried so hard, and got so far. But, in the end, it didn’t even matter. antarris: Afterwards, I looked up some of the history on “Under the Bridge”, and this makes sense. A funk-rock band wrote a song based on a poem and had it produced by Rick Rubin. It’s like catnip to both of us for completely different reasons. d8uv: The thing that clinched it for me was the realization that this song builds so beautifully. It’s dynamic in a way most pop songs are, but maintains being interesting even during the subdued opening. antarris: Yeah, I used an orgasm metaphor when I advocated for it. d8uv: Most of the songs on this list were pop songs that became art. This song felt like art that became a pop song. That’s pretentious to say, so just remember—I almost went with “Umbrella”.

Caveats

I chose these years because I needed to cut 4 years to get 20 years down to 16. Because of this, I excluded the two lowest-revenue (according to the RIAA, adj. for inflation) years from the 90s (1990 and 1991), and the two lowest-revenue years for the 00s (2008 and 2009). It might have been better to include them, but I didn’t want to.
Because the Billboard year ends in November, if a song is released during the winter, it’s likely that it won’t show up as a smash hit for one year; instead, it will show up as a mediocre hit across two years. Some songs can pull off charting highly in consecutive years, but that’s really rare.
It’s important to remember the wise words of Binary Star: Everything that glitters ain’t gold, and every gold record don’t glitter—that’s for damn sure. The Hot 100 measures popularity, not cultural relevance or quality. A lot of very good, very important songs didn’t make the cut for this tournament, while a lot of long-forgotten dross did. Ultimately, I’m fine with this. Most of the fun of filling out the bracket was running into songs I don’t remember and going “What the fuck are YOU, song?”
For singles with an A-side and a B-Side (ex: “Follow You Down / Til I Hear It from You - Gin Blossoms”) I chose the first song. This is a little arbitrary, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.
Some additional caveats (because antarris is an academic pedant): this obviously has too small and homogenous a viewing audience to be objective truth. While both of us have pretty broad taste in music, there are some genres—mainstream country and slow R&B in particular—that neither of us is super into. This probably skews our results significantly, especially in the 90s bracket.
Also, a better way to determine our sample of songs would be to take a page from Good Mythical Morning’s cereal tournament and set up a poll for each year. However, getting a survey sample that’s representative of the population at large would be extremely challenging with an internet poll and, let’s face it, we’re not getting grant money for this shit.

If you disagree, you should fill out your own bracket:

http://www.d8uv.org/misc/song-tournament-1992-2007.png
submitted by d8uv to Music [link] [comments]


2019.03.03 15:17 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: hiphopheads top posts from 2019-02-03 to 2019-03-03 09:08 PDT

Period: 27.87 days
Submissions Comments
Total 999 96702
Rate (per day) 35.84 3454.83
Unique Redditors 676 24168
Combined Score 691896 3347212

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 25549 points, 1 submission: Zaqxswcdevfr
    1. 21 Savage arrested by ICE (25549 points, 6181 comments)
  2. 19004 points, 12 submissions: NoFlexZone6
    1. Drake announces So Far Gone coming to streaming services friday (5233 points, 1090 comments)
    2. Blueface could face up to 3 years in prison due to felony gun possession (5231 points, 991 comments)
    3. [SHOTS FIRED] T.I. - Fuck Nigga (Floyd Mayweather Diss) (3278 points, 683 comments)
    4. [FRESH VIDEO] Meek Mill - Going Bad (feat. Drake) (1580 points, 325 comments)
    5. Justine Skye claims Sheck Wes stalked and attacked her and her friends (1465 points, 554 comments)
    6. [FRESH VIDEO] Playboi Carti & Lil Uzi Vert - Left Right (844 points, 86 comments)
    7. [FRESH VIDEO] Ari Lennox - Shea Butter Baby (feat. J. Cole) (501 points, 43 comments)
    8. [FRESH] Gunna - Speed it Up (297 points, 139 comments)
    9. [FRESH] Lil Uzi Vert - Dip Remix (197 points, 26 comments)
    10. 21 Savage - Skrrt Skrrt (196 points, 14 comments)
  3. 16568 points, 1 submission: Itz___Mike
    1. BREAKING: R. Kelly charged in with 10 counts of criminal sexual abuse (16568 points, 859 comments)
  4. 16301 points, 2 submissions: jammasterajay
    1. Kendrick Lamar, Drake & Childish Gambino all declined offers to perform at the 2019 Grammys (14261 points, 1332 comments)
    2. The Roots’ upcoming album ‘End Game’ will include “Table of Contents” part 4 produced by J Dilla (2040 points, 50 comments)
  5. 13529 points, 2 submissions: LordNadez
    1. Tekashi 6ix9ine's Guilty Plea Deal is No Prison Time by Snitching on Everyone (10920 points, 2225 comments)
    2. Lil Pump drops ESSKEETIT chains for FREE alongside album for $7.99 to increase first week sales (2609 points, 553 comments)
  6. 13346 points, 1 submission: ImRBJ
    1. 21 Savage Released on Bond Pending ICE Deportation Hearing (13346 points, 1405 comments)
  7. 11626 points, 15 submissions: Chriscftb97
    1. [DISCUSSION] ScHoolboy Q - Oxymoron (5 Years Later) (3436 points, 349 comments)
    2. Aubrey & The Three Migos Tour becomes the first rap tour to gross over $100M (1866 points, 274 comments)
    3. London On Da Track - No Flag (ft. 21 Savage, Offset & Nicki Minaj) (1346 points, 68 comments)
    4. Drake's "So Far Gone" sells 50K 523rd Week/First Week (7K Pure). (1027 points, 177 comments)
    5. Ariana Grande's "thank u, next" sells 355K First Week (112K Pure). Wiz Khalifa & Curren$y's "2009" sells 17K First Week (4K Pure). (839 points, 500 comments)
    6. Drake - Diplomatic Immunity (820 points, 274 comments)
    7. [DISCUSSION] Drake - So Far Gone (10 Years Later) (772 points, 388 comments)
    8. Gunna's "Drip Or Drown 2" sells 90K First Week (9K Pure). Offset's "FATHER OF 4" sells 88K First Week (7K Pure). Lil Pump's "Harverd Dropout" sells 46K First Week (22K Pure). Kehlani's "While We Wait" sells 33K First Week (7K Pure). (760 points, 545 comments)
    9. [DISCUSSION] Rick Ross - Mastermind (5 Years Later) (169 points, 49 comments)
    10. [Discussion] The Super Bowl effect (a brief look at the numbers) (166 points, 104 comments)
  8. 11441 points, 14 submissions: gimmeyopublishing
    1. [FRESH ALBUM] T-Pain - 1UP (3447 points, 348 comments)
    2. [FRESH ALBUM] Wiz Khalifa & Curren$y - 2009 (2491 points, 345 comments)
    3. [FRESH ALBUM] Solange - When I Get Home (2340 points, 446 comments)
    4. [FRESH ALBUM] LUCKI - Freewave 3 (702 points, 156 comments)
    5. [FRESH] SAINt JHN - TRAP (Ft. Lil Baby) (604 points, 105 comments)
    6. [FRESH] Amine - BLACKJACK (Remix) [feat. YBN Cordae] (469 points, 26 comments)
    7. [FRESH EP] Thouxanbanfauni & UnoTheActivist – For Christ Sake 2 (377 points, 50 comments)
    8. [FRESH] Buddy - Link Up (feat. JID, Bas, Kent Jamz, & Guapdad 4000) (270 points, 23 comments)
    9. [FRESH] Pivot Gang - Jason Statham, Pt. 2 (Ft. Saba, Joseph Chilliams, & MfnMelo (234 points, 32 comments)
    10. [FRESH] Zacari - Midas Touch (181 points, 23 comments)
  9. 11060 points, 1 submission: Pleasureryan
    1. Anderson .Paak Announces New Album; Ventura out April 12th (11060 points, 657 comments)
  10. 10813 points, 16 submissions: TheRoyalGodfrey
    1. 21 Savage ICE Arrest Megathread (6157 points, 2147 comments)
    2. Prosecutors Are Moving to Indict R. Kelly, After the Discovery of Another Videotape (1608 points, 283 comments)
    3. Michael Avenatti claims to have a third tape of R Kelly showing further acts of sexual abuse of an underage girl by (741 points, 171 comments)
    4. Vince Staples GQ Interview: "On Tour With Vince Staples, Who Says Making Music Is a Scam" (649 points, 257 comments)
    5. New Music Friday: February 22nd, 209 (292 points, 145 comments)
    6. Dave & J Hus - Samantha (244 points, 53 comments)
    7. New Music Friday: March 1st, 2019 (194 points, 112 comments)
    8. New Music Friday: February 8th, 2019 (191 points, 193 comments)
    9. New Music Friday: February 15, 2019 (177 points, 185 comments)
    10. Tory Lanez Pitchfork Interview: "Tory Lanez Will Never Stop Talking Shit" (132 points, 87 comments)
  11. 10120 points, 5 submissions: Kitchen_Ur_Lies
    1. [FRESH ALBUM] 2 Chainz - Rap or Go to the League (5516 points, 1073 comments)
    2. NYPD calling for the arrest of 50 Cent over his alleged threats on the cop who said to have 50 killed on sight (2704 points, 430 comments)
    3. Album of the Year #44: Travis Scott - ASTROWORLD (1460 points, 172 comments)
    4. Famous Dex - PICK IT UP (feat. A$AP Rocky) (410 points, 44 comments)
    5. Migos - 3 Way (Intro) (30 points, 8 comments)
  12. 10050 points, 1 submission: NYCUnit
    1. NYPD Commander Who Plotted To Shoot & Murder 50 Cent In 2018 Is Being Investigated (10050 points, 725 comments)
  13. 9702 points, 1 submission: BillyTheBodyBuilder
    1. 21 Savage says he saw guns & lights when then they arrested him and then said "We got Savage." (9702 points, 1010 comments)
  14. 9124 points, 2 submissions: williamthebloody1880
    1. 'Eazy-E is a legend' – Man's bizarre campaign to erect statue of NWA star in his hometown (5407 points, 455 comments)
    2. Gangsta rapper Eazy-E WILL be memorialised in Newhaven after man's bizarre campaign (3717 points, 243 comments)
  15. 8840 points, 1 submission: dq200014
    1. Chance the Rapper announces album is dropping in July (8840 points, 661 comments)
  16. 8706 points, 1 submission: pazuzu_lives
    1. ICE Wanted To Deport 21 Savage on an “Aggravated Felony” Charge — But They Just Dropped It (8706 points, 991 comments)
  17. 8440 points, 5 submissions: hulksreddit
    1. R. Kelly's Bond Set to $1 Million; facing 10 counts of felony criminal sexual abuse and up to 70 years (6939 points, 534 comments)
    2. Metro Thuggin (Young Thug x Metro Boomin) - Speed Racer (573 points, 57 comments)
    3. [FRESH VIDEO] Lil Baby & Gunna - Close Friends (400 points, 83 comments)
    4. [DISCUSSION] The Roots - Things Fall Apart (20 Years Later) (320 points, 42 comments)
    5. James Blake - Tell Them (feat. Metro Boomin & Moses Sumney) (208 points, 24 comments)
  18. 8327 points, 12 submissions: sereneflash
    1. [FRESH VIDEO] James Blake - Mile High (feat. Travis Scott & Metro Boomin) (3808 points, 343 comments)
    2. Kali Uchis & Jorja Smith announce “The Kali & Jorja Tour” (1491 points, 164 comments)
    3. [FRESH] Rico Nasty - Sandy (853 points, 95 comments)
    4. [FRESH VIDEO] Future - Never Stop (607 points, 123 comments)
    5. [FRESH] Tory Lanez - Free 21 Freestyle (595 points, 279 comments)
    6. YNW Melly "Mixed Personalities" Official Lyrics & Meaning Verified (382 points, 221 comments)
    7. [FRESH VIDEO] Juicy J - Let Me See (feat. Kevin Gates & Lil Skies) [prod. Tay Keith] (264 points, 34 comments)
    8. [FRESH VIDEO] Tyga - Girls Have Fun (feat. G-Eazy & Rich The Kid) (100 points, 35 comments)
    9. PeeWee Longway Is Atlanta’s Unsung Hip-Hop Hero (71 points, 12 comments)
    10. [FRESH] Domo Genesis - Could This Be (70 points, 14 comments)
  19. 7770 points, 1 submission: mikeone33
    1. Roc Nation Hires Legal Help for 21 Savage (7770 points, 573 comments)
  20. 7764 points, 1 submission: Fawn_Dell_Megonads
    1. Youtube rapper gets a chance to freestyle for Kendrick Lamar while Kendrick throws words at him to try to stump his flow. Kendrick said he was so inspired it made him want to get back in the booth (7764 points, 425 comments)
  21. 7746 points, 2 submissions: jackoon56
    1. [Fresh Album] Lil Pump - Harverd Dropout (5722 points, 1146 comments)
    2. [FRESH ALBUM]- CZARFACE x Ghostface Killah - Czarface Meets Ghostface (2024 points, 223 comments)
  22. 7672 points, 1 submission: ddboyd
    1. Rapper Tay-K 47 tried to start new gang in jail called Rug-Rats, prosecutors allege (7672 points, 1018 comments)
  23. 7371 points, 1 submission: adamjm99
    1. [DISCUSSION] Kanye West - The College Dropout (15 Years Later) (7371 points, 995 comments)
  24. 6823 points, 1 submission: matt9959
    1. T-Pain stops show early after getting hit by beach ball at a youth group convention (6823 points, 810 comments)
  25. 6686 points, 3 submissions: AngryBlond3
    1. [FRESH VIDEO] J. Cole - MIDDLE CHILD (5274 points, 747 comments)
    2. [FRESH VIDEO] Boogie - Rainy Days (ft. Eminem) (1174 points, 219 comments)
    3. The Making Of J. Cole's "MIDDLE CHILD" With T-Minus Deconstructed (238 points, 36 comments)
  26. 6661 points, 3 submissions: H20isLean
    1. J Cole is currently killing it at the ASG Halftime show (6369 points, 579 comments)
    2. Tupac - Hit 'Em Up (Live at the House of Blues) (181 points, 24 comments)
    3. [Fresh Video] Wiz Khalifa & Curren$y - The Life [Official Video] (111 points, 15 comments)
  27. 6606 points, 1 submission: MalikLee_TheEmcee
    1. NER*D - Don’t Don't Do It (Feat. Frank Ocean & Kendrick Lamar) [O.G. Version] (6606 points, 178 comments)
  28. 6591 points, 1 submission: skullmonster602
    1. Jaden Smith’s foundation is bringing clean water to Flint (6591 points, 395 comments)
  29. 6334 points, 3 submissions: clott97
    1. Lil Pump Handing Out Free Pizzas On Skid Row Today (3518 points, 304 comments)
    2. Lil Baby Arrested In Atlanta (1412 points, 368 comments)
    3. Soulja Boy Says His Album Will Have Features From Tory Lanez, Swae Lee, Trippie Redd, Chief Keef, Nicki Minaj, and More. The Album Will Also Have Production From Ronny J and Murda Beatz (1404 points, 194 comments)
  30. 6245 points, 1 submission: AvinylAweek
    1. Why Mac Miller’s “Swimming” Will (And Deserves To) Win A Grammy For 2019’s “Best Rap Album” (6245 points, 1314 comments)
  31. 6079 points, 1 submission: kpjerz3
    1. Joey Bada$$ freestyles over the crowd chanting his name (6079 points, 194 comments)
  32. 6052 points, 1 submission: ramoldo
    1. Offset Screams Like Ric Flair While Eating Spicy Wings Hot Ones (6052 points, 459 comments)
  33. 6004 points, 1 submission: Waqqy
    1. Eminem Says He's Still Chasing After 'The Marshall Mathers LP' in New Interview (6004 points, 942 comments)
  34. 5890 points, 1 submission: Carlor_Stonefist
    1. [FRESH] EARTHGANG- PROUD OF U (feat. Young Thug) (5890 points, 472 comments)
  35. 5881 points, 1 submission: ZeusBestIGL
    1. Offset album produced entirely by Metro Boomin & Southside (5881 points, 446 comments)
  36. 5686 points, 2 submissions: Wonderhugo
    1. Higher Brothers announce album "Five Stars" featuring ScHoolboy Q, Rich Brian, J.I.D., Soulja Boy, & more! (5643 points, 365 comments)
    2. Quasimoto - Astronaut (43 points, 1 comment)
  37. 5610 points, 1 submission: fuckshit64
    1. YNW Melly arrested and charged with Murder of YNW Sak and YNW Juvy (5610 points, 1320 comments)
  38. 5473 points, 5 submissions: Moron_on_Oxy-
    1. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib's 'Bandana' Slated for Major Label Release (5113 points, 375 comments)
    2. The Internet - Special Affair (144 points, 26 comments)
    3. Bas & J.Cole - My N—- Just Made Bail (104 points, 17 comments)
    4. Smino - KLINK (78 points, 7 comments)
    5. Sublime - Doin’ Time (34 points, 12 comments)
  39. 5431 points, 3 submissions: maloboosie
    1. [REST IN PEACE] Cadet Tragically Passes Away In A Car Accident Aged 28 (4484 points, 302 comments)
    2. [FIRST IMPRESSIONS] 2 Chainz - Rap or Go to the League (902 points, 366 comments)
    3. [FRESH] Union feat. MF DOOM & RA the Rugged Man - Coco Mango (maticulous remix) (45 points, 5 comments)
  40. 5319 points, 1 submission: fenwickpark
    1. Denzel Curry covers Rage Against The Machine 'Bulls On Parade' for Like A Version (5319 points, 407 comments)
  41. 5248 points, 2 submissions: JunkratOW
    1. 6ix9ine's Anti-Domestic Violence Commercial Nobody Knew About. (3565 points, 459 comments)
    2. New Court Documents Confirm: 6ix9ine old investigators he paid Kooda $20,000 to shoot at Chief Keef (1683 points, 638 comments)
  42. 5244 points, 1 submission: Cbrip31
    1. Kanye West Sued by Family of Girl From “Ultralight Beam” Prayer (5244 points, 736 comments)
  43. 5204 points, 4 submissions: amrhik10
    1. [SHOTS FIRED] Chris Brown to Offset “Fuck You Lil Boy” (4928 points, 1381 comments)
    2. Three 6 Mafia Performing "Some Bodies Gonna Get It" Live on Smackdown (2006) (119 points, 25 comments)
    3. Young Jeezy - I Luv It (84 points, 20 comments)
    4. French Montana - Figure it Out (ft. Kanye West & Nas) (73 points, 3 comments)
  44. 5059 points, 1 submission: ora_le
    1. [FRESH] Freddie Gibbs & Madlib- Flat Tummy Tea (5059 points, 560 comments)
  45. 5014 points, 1 submission: PEACH_EATER_69
    1. 6ix9ine’s Ex-Partner: Rapper Abused and Beat Me for Years (5014 points, 1506 comments)
  46. 5012 points, 1 submission: aaliyaahson
    1. [FRESH ALBUM] Drake - So Far Gone (Re-Release) (5012 points, 1225 comments)
  47. 4970 points, 1 submission: Evsily
    1. Body Cam Vid Shows Lil Pump ...SHOUTING MATCH W/ COPS BEFORE ARREST (4970 points, 1193 comments)
  48. 4917 points, 1 submission: soperpp
    1. [FRESH VIDEO] A$AP Rocky - Kids Turned Out Fine (4917 points, 399 comments)
  49. 4689 points, 1 submission: EnragedSpoon
    1. [FRESH VIDEO] Ski Mask The Slump God - Faucet Failure (4689 points, 314 comments)
  50. 4642 points, 3 submissions: lurkbender
    1. [FRESH VIDEO] Travis Scott - CAN'T SAY (4002 points, 362 comments)
    2. [FRESH VIDEO] Dave - Black (570 points, 96 comments)
    3. Roddy Ricch - Die Young (70 points, 13 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. Kitchen_Ur_Lies (23652 points, 215 comments)
  2. EmperorChill (21545 points, 257 comments)
  3. kvng_icy223 (21396 points, 170 comments)
  4. GoopHugger (18721 points, 13 comments)
  5. ImRBJ (17004 points, 1 comment)
  6. waviestflow (12348 points, 170 comments)
  7. GrannyGrinder (12135 points, 3 comments)
  8. Chriscftb97 (11176 points, 147 comments)
  9. Fuzzikopf (9964 points, 32 comments)
  10. see_four (9866 points, 83 comments)
  11. TheInfinityGauntlet (9702 points, 190 comments)
  12. topper4444 (9462 points, 71 comments)
  13. BF210 (9065 points, 9 comments)
  14. Nolar2015 (9005 points, 80 comments)
  15. thebasedyeezus (8883 points, 72 comments)
  16. Playboi_Icardi (8639 points, 125 comments)
  17. Awhile2 (8626 points, 256 comments)
  18. idkpotatoes (7898 points, 106 comments)
  19. NerdGasem (7883 points, 30 comments)
  20. Mattmo831 (7851 points, 4 comments)
  21. Iceman3226 (7788 points, 1 comment)
  22. seosaimh03 (7763 points, 60 comments)
  23. PM_ME_UR_UR (7709 points, 34 comments)
  24. j-benz (7485 points, 63 comments)
  25. Dooliss (7247 points, 2 comments)
  26. Pigman232 (7101 points, 4 comments)
  27. EarthgangSV (7035 points, 8 comments)
  28. Cohtoh (7021 points, 218 comments)
  29. IAM_SOMEGUY (6984 points, 17 comments)
  30. atomicbrett (6959 points, 8 comments)
  31. raheezyy (6825 points, 184 comments)
  32. tdubose91 (6710 points, 230 comments)
  33. ThatParanoidPenguin (6687 points, 28 comments)
  34. TheRoyalGodfrey (6468 points, 287 comments)
  35. CoogiMonster (6450 points, 9 comments)
  36. _lizardking (6399 points, 8 comments)
  37. creamy_chipotle (6281 points, 23 comments)
  38. 22based (6167 points, 98 comments)
  39. simsims2822 (6167 points, 44 comments)
  40. Flexappeal (6146 points, 43 comments)
  41. Ak47isatool (6091 points, 30 comments)
  42. GunnaGunna1 (6031 points, 15 comments)
  43. realwords (6005 points, 1 comment)
  44. ThePotatoWizard (5981 points, 2 comments)
  45. zachmichel (5818 points, 87 comments)
  46. kanyeweststan (5815 points, 21 comments)
  47. Mig1997 (5564 points, 25 comments)
  48. Illuminastrid (5552 points, 128 comments)
  49. ELOGURL (5362 points, 43 comments)
  50. F_Gooner (5356 points, 2 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. 21 Savage arrested by ICE by Zaqxswcdevfr (25549 points, 6181 comments)
  2. BREAKING: R. Kelly charged in with 10 counts of criminal sexual abuse by Itz___Mike (16568 points, 859 comments)
  3. Kendrick Lamar, Drake & Childish Gambino all declined offers to perform at the 2019 Grammys by jammasterajay (14261 points, 1332 comments)
  4. 21 Savage Released on Bond Pending ICE Deportation Hearing by ImRBJ (13346 points, 1405 comments)
  5. Anderson .Paak Announces New Album; Ventura out April 12th by Pleasureryan (11060 points, 657 comments)
  6. Tekashi 6ix9ine's Guilty Plea Deal is No Prison Time by Snitching on Everyone by LordNadez (10920 points, 2225 comments)
  7. NYPD Commander Who Plotted To Shoot & Murder 50 Cent In 2018 Is Being Investigated by NYCUnit (10050 points, 725 comments)
  8. 21 Savage says he saw guns & lights when then they arrested him and then said "We got Savage." by BillyTheBodyBuilder (9702 points, 1010 comments)
  9. Chance the Rapper announces album is dropping in July by dq200014 (8840 points, 661 comments)
  10. ICE Wanted To Deport 21 Savage on an “Aggravated Felony” Charge — But They Just Dropped It by pazuzu_lives (8706 points, 991 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 17004 points: ImRBJ's comment in 21 Savage arrested by ICE
  2. 12693 points: GoopHugger's comment in 21 Savage arrested by ICE
  3. 12116 points: GrannyGrinder's comment in 21 Savage arrested by ICE
  4. 8348 points: see_four's comment in [Fresh Album] Lil Pump - Harverd Dropout
  5. 7788 points: Iceman3226's comment in 21 Savage arrested by ICE
  6. 7244 points: Dooliss's comment in Kendrick Lamar, Drake & Childish Gambino all declined offers to perform at the 2019 Grammys
  7. 7034 points: Pigman232's comment in 21 Savage arrested by ICE
  8. 6005 points: realwords's comment in 21 Savage arrested by ICE
  9. 5828 points: Mattmo831's comment in Yo it's the kid Gunna - "Drip Or Drown 2" is out now - Ask me anything
  10. 5803 points: Fuzzikopf's comment in [SHOTS FIRED] Chris Brown to Offset “Fuck You Lil Boy”
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]


2018.07.27 06:31 EvaBee Top Daily Posts for July 26, 2018:

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submitted by EvaBee to TodaysPostsForEvaBee [link] [comments]


2018.06.10 20:41 OldSoulja What would you do if....

these are pretty much all i do nowadays because im too much of a lazy bum to actually draw anything. oops.
anyways, ahem.
submitted by OldSoulja to DDLC [link] [comments]


2016.10.05 05:09 JDog413 OC Tournament #1 Round 1, Match 12: Dakota Arana and Big Jack VS Mr. Boss and Liam G

The results are in! The winner is...
 
The Blues Brothers: Gene Hawthorne!
 
Here's how it went:
Vote Results Comment
Popularity Blues Brothers: Gene Hawthorne This vote went 8 - 0, it was a complete stomp by Gene here! Honestly, if I had to pick one deciding factor for Gene's success, it would be that his strategy was up longer. (Even if Reddit went a bit screwy for a while there)
Loyalty Blues Brothers: Gene Hawthorne This one went 2 - 1, as one Secret Judge didn't vote and got coinflipped to Cleaners. The Judge who did vote cited Gene's intelligence and ability to pass as an SPW as a reason to win, and Jewels seemed to agree. However, he personally felt, "They're both using the same the same strategy! It's like picking between ketchup and mustard!" In the end however, it was the intelligence factor that got him.
Jojolity Blues Brothers: Gene Hawthorne This is gonna sound like a bit of a repeat, but the deciding factor for me was ease of blending in as an SPW. Gene did a good job of it, giving himself a role to play within the SPW and convincing one guard of it, who would notify the rest in turn. This would build some degree of trust, enough so that Jonathan would have a much more difficult time convincing the SPW that Gene was an enemy. If he successfully did so, he might still be too late to prevent the map burning, and Gene would be long gone.
 
Final thoughts? I wasn't expecting another shut-out this soon, that's for sure! I'm grateful Jonathan Funds showed up to defend himself, but in the end it was circumstances outside of control that caused this loss. Don't take it too hard, OK?
This Play of the Game was a bit of an odd one, in that it belongs to Serefin99, who played as one of the participants! This post provided two contingency plans for his strategy, and was actually what won Jewels over in the end. It was a well thought out strat, good going!
Here's Calumba's Story Thread, CPU's Manga Thread, Official Rules, and CPU's Third Mini Match The voting for Match 12 ends on the 7th, at 11:59 PM CST.
But wait, before we get going, there's one final thing I need to discuss! Seeing as this is the last official match of Round 1, it is time to vote for the Bonus Round! In addition to voting on who you think will win, team members can vote for whether or not they want their team to chance the Bonus Round, and if so, who they want to revive should they win it. When voting for this, put it in bold underneath your vote for Match 12, or, if you're on a team Discord, I'll post a Straw Poll on each channel later to vote on.
Now then, the Schedule!
 
Round 1
Match Number Match Format Match Flavor Match Location Blues Brothers Cleaners Date
1 1 v 1 Deathmatch Dio’s Mansion, Cairo, Egypt. Filos Campisi Jozen August 22nd
2 1 v 1 Objective Cairo, Egypt. What remains of Dio’s manor Veridis Quo Yuki Mercury August 26th
3 2 v 2 Deathmatch Cairo, Egypt. Literally fighting on the roofs of moving traffic. (Hey, I said The Matrix. Technically, I gave you half the title of the movie. I just didn’t add the Reloaded part) Colin Firenze Olberman, Thomas Majors Anthony Marcus Vittoni, Franz Ferdinand August 30th
4 1 v 1 Deathmatch An underground cave, slowly filling to the brim with floodwater. You have about a minute or two until the place is flooded. William Martin Major Tom September 4th
5 1 v 1 Objective An airplane, carrying a valuable artifact. Oliver Soulja Boy September 7th
6(.5) 2 v 2 Objective On a long road in the deserts of Arizona, a caravan carrying a dreadful artifact needs protecting, and two Stand Users are on the job. Yet two Stand Banditos wait in ambush a little ways down the road, unbeknownst to them… Lina, Ana Cise, Michael J. September 13th
7 1 v 1 Deathmatch An airport in Texas. Two Stand Users lurk, unknown even to each other. Olivia Lynch Theo "Teller" Telling September 15th
8 1 v 1 Objective New Zealand, Hamilton Street Circuit. Get into your best hot rods, cause it’s racing time! Destruction of rivals is completely allowed, that guys a bastard anyways! Ray Charles Alexander Przbyszewski September 19th
9 2 v 2 Deathmatch New Zealand, Hamilton Street Circuit. A Four way intersection, with two crazed lunatics having a street race all through and around it. Have they ever heard of roadkill before? John Doe, John Pepper Oliva Insalata, Boy George September 23rd
10 1 v 1 Deathmatch A glass elevator on a sky scraper in Japan. OK, here’s a joke for you. Two Stand Users walk into an elevator. There’s no suspension cable… (Yeah, I don’t get it either) Neo Abbachio Lake Michigan September 27th
11 1 v 1 Objective The SPW Foundation central building, Dallas, Texas.I’d prefer it if you just walked away now, there’s nothing to see here after all! Gerald "Gene" Hawthorne Jonathan Funds October 1st
12 2 v 2 Objective A mall in Texas, and a familiar taste. Dakota Arana, Big Jack Mr.Boss, Liam G October 5th
 
Bonus Round
Match Format Match Flavor Match Location Blues Brother Cleaner Date
1 v 1 v Boss Optional Boss Battle Yare Yare... why'd you come back to the SPW anyway? Patrick "Pat" Vegas Pit "Repider" Prentice Act 1 - Act 2 October 9th
 
Now, let's get right into this... keep your eyes peeled, there's a surprise ahead.
 
Scenario: Shining Sandstorm Ep 12
End of Raging Winds
 
Mr. Boss and Liam G could finally breathe sighs of relief, their mission had come to a close at last. Ever since the incident with the clash between the leaders of the Cleaners and the Blues Brothers, tensions had been higher than ever between members of the Cleaners as a colossal issue loomed over their heads, like a guillotine about to drop. No one spoke of it, but every felt it hanging there, in the open air. This issue, this fact, was that among the Cleaners, there lurked at least one traitor.
In all likelihood, the Blues Brothers had one as well, as Michael J. seemed to draw from an almost bottomless well of information on their activities at all times. Heaven only knew if they'd figured it out yet, their response to it, or who it was. But just the previous week, they'd hacked into the Speedwagon Foundation, and found a hell of a lot more than just info on the map in their data dig. No, they'd found out that the Foundation knew about the traitor, and that the info they'd found on the Cleaners Stand Users was due to be passed off to... someone... in a weeks time, at a mall in Texas. The traitor themselves wouldn't make the delivery, they weren't that clueless. Instead, they were to pass it off to a member of the SPW, who would do the rendezvous for the traitor.
Needless to say, information about this traitor would be in this little package as well, and, somewhat surprisingly, Michael J didn't order anybody to go get it. That was because an order wasn't needed, Mr. Boss went there himself, completely unbidden, with Liam G alongside him, willing to do anything to help his team. Boss didn't have such a well-meaning goal. The Stand Abilities of the Cleaners were not well known, even amongst members. To have a document listing all the Stand Abilities, all the strengths... and all the weaknesses... of his fellow members would prove itself very... useful to him.
And so he had disguised himself and Liam as SPW members themselves as they went for the rendezvous point. When they had the courier in sight, there wasn't even a struggle.
The SPW member, who had been sitting at a bench sipping at an orange slush in the food court, had only just looked at them, looked the other direction and saw two more SPW walking towards him, flipped a coin, and sighed. "Luck is really never on my side, is it?" He didn't even bother to get up, just went back to slurping on his slushy until the two groups of (fake) SPW had converged on him. Overhead, there was a stir of movement, but when Boss looked up, all he saw were a few birds perched on the light fixtures overhead. Still... he didn't like how they stared.
But it didn't matter. Now that they had gotten to the courier, and confirmed that in his front coat pocket was a yellow envelope that no doubt contained the information on the traitor, it was mission complete. The only problem, for right now, were the other two SPW workers who had appeared out of the blue, claiming that they had been sent by the Foundation to investigate a stolen document, which was apparently stolen by the worker on the bench.
Boss didn't believe them for a second. It was clear as day they were up to no good, clearly Blues Brothers members. Heck, just looking at the two of them, he got the sense they were thinking the same thing. But the question was, why were they here in the first place? The doc should only have information on the Cleaners! Unless...
Boss spoke, quietly but commandingly, "Why don't we drop the charade then. You, courier, you're carrying information on the Cleaners, and the Blues Brothers, aren't you?" Nobody moved, nobody even blinked. The tension stayed in the air, so thick you could cut it with a knife. Yet there was no hostile action, not yet.
The man broke the silence. "Hold on a second," he said, pulling out his coin again, a half-dollar. Looking at the man up close, he was clearly of Indian descent, with the browned skin and dark hair one would expect. And indeed, he looked just the stereotype, there was nothing that stood out about him at all aside from that. His eyes were an odd yellow, however, the one abnormal thing about his person. That, and his habit of flipping his coin over and over, he'd been doing it for the past couple of minutes since his capture, like it was an idle animation or some such thing. He flipped it into the air, and it came down tails.
He sighed, "Unlucky... Guess I've got no choice. Yeah, it's got information, on both you guys. Didn't gather it myself, that was your traitors, I was just supposed to leave it here, and hope I get lucky. That's all... man, I'm the smallest of small fry."
This time, one of the Blues Brothers spoke up, the one with the massive hunting rifle, "Are you the one who rigged the bombs in New Zealand and Japan?"
"Wait a second." The man flipped his coin again. It turned up tails. He winced, "Tch... not me. I mean, I guess I was in New Zealand... and I showed up in Egypt that one time with the traffic jam... but I didn't plant any bombs. I was just making sure everything went smoothly, you know? And I got lucky, it did! But now..." he flipped his coin again. Still tails. "I've got nothing. So useless..."
"Why work with traitors on both sides? Why arrive at the scenes of fights?" Boss questioned. Up above, birds were starting to gather, mostly crows. They stared down at the proceedings with keen interest.
The man flipped a coin twice. It turned up tails both times. "Come on! I work with both traitors, 'cause they struck up a deal with us. If you need help, you ask for help, you know? So, when our boss gets a deal struck, its up to the admins to get it done... so we've been on the move lately, setting everything up just right! I've been... kinda showing up, but I'm not keen on doing work, you know? I just sit back, and hope I get lucky, and things go well."
Finally, they were getting somewhere. Boss moved in for the kill, the last bit of information he needed to hear before he made his escape with data, leaving the Blues Brothers in the dust. The crows overhead thickened, cawing loudly. Their feathers fell to the ground softly, though a few brownish feathers fell among them too...
"Who do you work for?"
The man flipped his coin again, fumbled it coming down, and it landed on the floor: on its side. He went silent, a shocked expression on his face. Finally, with but a slight puff of wind, it fell over flat. Heads.
The man grinned. Suddenly, the air was filled with the unmistakable feel... of menace. His yellow eyes glistened, like the flashes of distant gunfire. "Finally! Luck's back on my side!" he giggled like a giddy schoolgirl, suddenly standing straight up from his chair with such forcefulness that he spooked the mallgoers near him, food spilling to the floor in their panic, "Hyori Ittai, baby!"
Boss wasted no time. He immediately took out a pocket knife, and in one swift motion he pinned the man's hand to the side of the bench, stabbing straight through flesh and bone. Liam looked like he was going to be sick.
"I asked you a question. You wouldn't be trying to run away before you've given an answer, would you?"
The man looked directly into Boss' eyes. He didn't seem even slightly bothered, he was still absolutely giddy. "Well, of course I'm leaving, the interview's over. I'm getting out scot-free, that's what the coin tells me! You guys though, you might not be so lucky."
The crows darted down from their perches, suddenly making a mad scramble for the food that had hit the ground. They all dove as one, some gargantuan black cloud that swept over the entire food court as the man laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. Then, he was obscured by a wall of crows that came in between the Stand Users and him. Boss heard the sound of the knife being pulled out of the bench, and his footsteps as he ran away... in a straight line, somehow, through the absolute chaos of the crows.
The last thing they heard him say was, "Alright, I'm out! Red, White, you're up! Don't allow a single living thing to leave the mall, understand?! And you, you Cleaners, and you Blues Brothers... have fun playing with End of Raging Winds, will you? Don't become bird chow now!"
As soon as he said that, the food court exploded. There was a massive burst of force, or air, and all Stand Users were knocked far back. All glass within the court shattered at once, people went flying into the air, and mobile stalls were sent crashing through storefronts. When the dust settled, Boss opened his eyes to find that Liam had been sent to the other side of the mall. And in the center, in the food court, was an unearthly sight.
Boss was used to mangled up corpses in his line of work, so seeing the dead bodies of so many wasn't what got him. It was that every single crow that had flown down had died, all at once. Some showed signs of being burned, as fires were all around, and yet others were frozen solid. And in the middle of this macabre piece, were two falcons. One had a Red scarf around its neck, the other a White one. Boss assumed they were "Red" and "White", who the man had spoken of before he disappeared. The Red bird locked eyes with Boss, and charged towards him, two purple fans appearing on its wings. The White one flew elsewhere, to bother the Blues Brother with the rifle, Big Jack. Dakota Arana the other Blues Brother, had been similarly separated from his partner, but he saw the proceedings the same as everyone else.
Now that this situation had spiraled completely out of control, the objective to all was clear. Put the falcons out of commission, and escape with their lives. A surprise Boss Battle has been sprung upon you!
OPEN THE GAME!
 
 
Location: An open-air mall in Texas
This mall got hit hard by the initial attack of the birds, but the damage is mostly in the center. Expect lots of dead bodies, bad smells, and broken glass there. This mall was actually popular with dog owners, you know? So there are plenty of those lying about, dead and alive. Of course, the surviving people are all freaking out, thinking that there was a terrorist bombing or some such thing. They're too panicked to attack you, though they are loud and obnoxious.
In addition, Mr. Boss got knocked to the JC Pennys on the map, and Liam G landed opposite of him, the Sears. Big Jack landed by the Von Maur, and Dakota Arana landed next to the Macy's.
Luckily, no one got hurt. You're all good to go come the start of this, though you have no idea which direction your opponents had rocketed off to, or what their Stand Abilities are. You do know where your ally is, so at least there's that. The Documents you wanted are currently in the birds' possession, clutched in steely talons and split between them!
 
Objective for all: Defeat the users of End of Raging Winds, try to get the most out of it as a team. For bonus points, try to capture members of the opposing team.
 
Boss character sheet:
 
Name: Red and White respectively
Species: Gyrfalcons
Age: 5 years for both of them
Occupation: Falcons
Bio: Falcon twins that have been together since birth, they were both born in captivity and raised by a shady person to become loyal attack birds. They were both given stands using an Arrow, both impaled at the same time, and as such their Stands are nearly identical, with but a few key differences. They are trained to attack foes as a team, in perfect sync. Due to gaining Stands, they are much more intelligent than any falcon has a right to be, quite akin to a certain other falcon last seen in Egypt…
Physical Description: They both have silvery plumage, speckled with brown, with cloud white undersides. Red wears a red scarf around its neck, while White wears a white one. Big surprise there. They sharpen their talons daily, to keep them in top condition for ripping and tearing through flesh. As they are quite vain, they do NOT use their beaks for the process of killing. If they get anything on their proud, spotless beaks, they will stop what they are doing, land on the nearest available perch, and groom it off.
Physical Stats:
 
Speed: 5 (They are amazingly fast, and Gyrfalcons are known to have dives of speeds over 200 mph. However, Gyrfalcons also prefer more level flight, and Red and White are no different. While doing level flight, their top speed is just over 50 mph.)
Strength: 1 (Not strong at all. Most of their power comes from their speed and their Stands)
Intelligence: 3 (Quite a lot smarter than the average falcon, and maybe a few humans.)
Endurance: 1 (They cannot take a hit, and are quite fragile. They rely on speed to avoid being hit)
Will: 3 (Once they have a target, they do not give up until it’s been torn apart. That being said, their vanity and endurance causes them to take respites from the chase, or sometimes give up entirely)
 
Stand Name: End of Raging Winds
Stand Type: Long Range, in the sense that Sex Pistols is long range.
Stand Appearance: End of Raging Winds looks the exact same on both Red and White. It appears as a violet motorized fan, strapped to each wing of its user. It fits snugly on the wingspan of the birds, stopping just before it reaches the wing tips.
Stand Ability: The abilities of End of Raging Winds are similar for each bird, but with a key difference between them. For both Red and White, End of Raging Winds is a Stand that produces winds when its fans blow. These winds can get up to gale force winds, and the users can even fire these off as bullets of a kind, though they don’t do as much damage as actual bullets. When in use, the recoil of End of Raging Winds slows the users down, and often they stop completely to fire it off for sustained gusts of wind, like a normal fan.
The differences between them are what types of winds they produce. Red’s End of Raging Winds produces superheated air, so hot it can turn a small room (5m by 5m) into a sauna in 9 seconds. With enough bullets in the same place, Red can cause things to light on fire. The amount of bullets would be about 15 required. Things are heating up! Meanwhile, White’s End of Raging Winds produces supercooled air, so cold it can turn a similarly small room into an icebox in 9 seconds, and turn an adult man into an ice block in 5. It can cause things to ice over with enough bullets or long term exposure to its more consistent gusts of air. Winter is coming.
Yet the real power in this Stand is the ability for the Stands to manipulate the weather in the area, to a degree. Using the power of rapidly increasing heat or cold, mirages can be formed, insanely strong gusts created, and other natural disasters can be stirred up. Most of these weather techniques can only be used if both birds work together, though.
 
Stand Stats:
 
Destructive Power: B (This ability is pretty strong by itself, and the winds it produces can even be used as bullets, with almost the same damage. However, once two users of Raging Winds come together, this power becomes seriously threatening.)
Speed: B (The winds can reach up to 70 mph, fairly fast. In addition, the heating and cooling can become quite fast as well. With Raging Winds set to blast, a small room, perhaps 5 m by 5 m, can be turned to a sweltering oven or veritable freezer within 9 seconds of continuous use. When being used to shoot air bullets, the rapid fire is slower than Aerosmith, due to the higher precision)
Range: C (Not too far, not too short either. This prevents them from being able to link with each other across the mall, but it’s enough to be a decent enough spacing tool. Their range is about as far as an actual bullets when using Raging Winds that way, though when it’s being used for a consistent gust of air, its range is 9 meters maximum.)
Durability: C (The effects of the increases and decreases in temperature can last about 5 minutes. As for weather effects created using teamwork, they dissipate as soon as they stop actively working together.)
Precision: B (Using their Stands, the falcons can hit almost anything accurately for about as far as they can see. Oddly, they are more accurate the farther the target is from them than they are up close.)
 
Fighting Style: Red and White work best together, both in the same place actively assisting one another. When apart, their arsenals are fairly limited, but many more open up when they are both together. Yet, they are vain to a fault, and both birds think themselves leagues better than the other. As such, they only stoop to working directly with the other when things are looking bad for them. This is quite unfortunate, as they are trained to work in sync with one another, but refuse to do so normally because of their own pride. In addition, if they get any undesirable on their beaks, they will stop what they are doing and clean it off.
Red prefers to use its air bullets to pepper the enemies, and uses its closer ranged gusts to dehydrate the enemy with extreme heat. It moves around quite similar to a fighter plane, becoming a constant pain in the neck to its prey for additional exhaustion. Once the enemy is exhausted, it backs off to finish the enemy with air bullets. However, if the enemy is not in sight, it will light things on fire to smoke them out. Red can also use its heat to create mirror images of itself via mirages, though this is limited to one image at a time, and the images cannot move but will instead appear frozen in time, making it a bit obvious.
White goes for stealth attacks, using its close range gusts to freeze the enemy as it pops up out of nowhere. It starts with the legs first, to prevent its prey from moving. When its prey is not in sight, it often ices over the floors to impede ground movement. When its prey slips on the ice, it riddles it with bullets. However, it will take great pains not to finish the prey off with these bullets, it very much prefers to end the fight with the opponent frozen solid in ice. Thus, it goes close range when it thinks the prey is beyond fighting back.
When working together, their combined speed and acrobatic abilities can be dizzying, and this is done on purpose as a defense mechanism. Using their combined abilities to heat and cool air, they create enormous gusts of wind that can travel up to 20 meters, with as much force as an explosive shockwave! Using their combined efforts, they can create small rain clouds, or make it hail in a small area.
Their specialty when working together however, is Unrest, during which they fly as fast as possible in circles while letting End of Raging Winds rip in its close ranged mode, angling the fans behind them to gain additional speed. Within a second or so, they produce a localized tornado. This tornado gets bigger the longer Unrest is allowed to go on, and its winds get stronger as well. If a person were to get sucked up in Unrest, they’d be torn to pieces by the winds, and the birds sharpened talons on the inside. The major problem with Unrest, however, is that this tires out the birds faster than anything else, and they can only keep it up for 10 seconds. (Maximum height is about 18 meters)
 
Team Contestant Jojolity
Blues Brothers Dakota Arana "This taste... is the taste of a liar!": Defeat Liam G. You must be the one to take him out, how dare he sully the SPW uniform!
Blues Brothers Big Jack "Do you think you're Bruce Lee or somethin'?": Defeat an opponent... with a melee attack. (The finishing blow must be done close range, physically, for this Jojolity to be fulfilled)
Cleaners Mr. Boss "Aren't dogs supposed to like humans?": Defeat an opponent by using one of the dogs in the area.
Cleaners Liam G "This taste... is the taste of a liar!": Defeat Dakota Arana. This man didn't have a massive gun, but seemed much more threatening than his compatriot. We can't let Mr. Boss fight that alone!
 
 
Character Registration List (Now with Current Status):
Reddit Name Stand User Name Stand Name Team Status
Quikanims Cise All Caps Cleaners Active: 2 KOs
capybaraluver John Pepper Strawberry Fields Forever Blues Brothers Active: 2 KOs
BringerOfFunk Boy George Karma Chameleon Cleaners RETIRED
StonedVolus Olivia Lynch Life on Mars Blues Brothers Active: 1 KO
Aarongeddon Liam G Soft Shock Cleaners In Combat
TheMysteriousDoc Ray Charles Psycho Killer Blues Brothers Active: 1 KO
tombola20 Major Tom Ground Control Cleaners Active: 1 KO
Bentonic64 Lina Hot Pursuit Blues Brothers RETIRED
Metlwing Theo "Teller" Telling Hip Hop Kid Cleaners RETIRED
rederister Thomas Majors The Man Who Sold The World Blues Brothers Active: 0 KO's.
webdiings Jozen Supermassive Black Hole Cleaners Active: 1 KO
Addem_Up William Martin Just the Way You are Blues Brothers RETIRED
FrustratedRocka Mr.Boss Bladecatcher Cleaners In Combat
OddDirective Colin Firenze Olberman Glorious Domination Blues Brothers RETIRED
phinsa123 Anthony Marcus Vittoni Linkin Park Cleaners Active: 1 KO
JostleMania Veridis Quo Face to Face Blues Brothers Active: 1 KO
juanjoestar25 Oliva Insalata Any Colour You Like Cleaners RETIRED
Serefin99 Gerald "Gene" Hawthorne Memory Lane Blues Brothers Active: 1 KO
Kuroikatsuchi Yuki Mercury You Spin Me Round Cleaners RETIRED
Gallerian Dakota Arana Spider Dance Blues Brothers In Combat
penguin1m Jonathan Funds The Man Comes Around Cleaners RETIRED
SlyRocko Neo Abbachio Cozmic Travel Blues Brothers RETIRED
ChokolateThundah Lake Michigan Random Access Memories Cleaners Active: 1 KO
VforVanarchy Big Jack Shoot to Thrill Blues Brothers In Combat
qwackas Franz Ferdinand Evil Eye Cleaners Active: 1 KO
SquirelKing Oliver Three Days Grace Blues Brothers RETIRED
Repider Pit "Repider" Prentice Mirror Cleaners Active
Calumba Ana Instant Crush Blues Brothers RETIRED
CPU_Dragon Michael J. Staying Alive Cleaners Active: 2 KOs
VictorShade1 Patrick "Pat" Vegas Shadows of the Night Blues Brothers Active
Elenir1 Alexander Przbyszewski Here Comes the Sun Cleaners RETIRED
iOraclae Filos Campisi Who are You Really? Blues Brothers RETIRED
FINDTHECOMPUTERROOM Soulja Boy Sex Bob-Omb Cleaners Active: 1 KO
pipibug1 John Doe Ramblin' Man Blues Brothers Active: 2 KOs
 
NOTE: Just to be clear, this is a surprise boss battle, the first of its kind! These work differently from the Bonus Round, as the bosses are usually OC's made by me or other users, and they cannot win. You cannot vote for a surprise boss. As such, they're more obstacles or objectives than anything!
 
EDIT: And... that's it! Voting for Match 12 is now over! Thanks to all who voted, and the results, as well as the overall results of the Round, will be up on the 9th!
EDIT 2: Things kind of got out of hand today in my own personal life, so for right now the results of Round 1 will be delayed until the 10th. Thanks for understanding, and my deepest apologies.
submitted by JDog413 to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]


2016.09.18 18:16 dopebob Better late than never, here's my huge round up of releases from quarter 2 2016. Covering over 200 releases from April, May and June of this year.

This is so late it's pretty much irrelevant now but there have been so many good releases this year that I still had to put this out. I almost had the article finished in July but I moved house and we were without internet for way too long so it's delayed this a lot.
As with my usual posts I've listed all of the releases that I think are worth checking out from quarter 2 of this year (and a few from earlier that I was late hearing) along with a short description, a link to buy/download and link to listen to a track on YouTube where possible.
You can read the article here.
If you're not bothered about the write ups then you can see the list of releases below:
3rd Eye Magic – Abracadabra
6Blocc – Deadly Dubs 4
600breezy – Breezo George Gervin (Iceman Edition)
9th Wonder – Zion
A.CHAL – Welcome To GAZI
AD & Sorry Jaynari – By The Way.
Aesop Rock – The Impossible Kid
Alex Wiley – Tangerine Dream
Aloe Blacc & Rhettmatic – Blaccmatic
Antwon – Double Ecstacy
Apathy – Handshakes With Snakes
A$AP Ferg – Always Strive And Prosper
Audio Push – The Stone Junction
AyOh – III EP
Azizi Gibson – A New Life
BADBADNOTGOOD – IV
Bankroll Mafia – Bankroll Mafia
Beatking – Club God 5
Birdman & Jacquees – Lost At Sea
Bishop Nehru – Magic 19
Black Milk & Nat Turner – The Rebellion Sessions
Blended Babies – 6
Blood Orange – Freetown Sound
Blueprint – Vigilante Genesis
Bodega BAMZ – All Eyez Off Me
Bones – Useless
Boosie Badazz – Bleek Mode (Thug In Peace Lil Bleek)
Brockhampton – All American Trash
BSN Posse – #UOAI EP
Bugzy – Facing Time
Burberry Perry – Burberry Perry EP
C.Robin – Goofy Tunes
Casey Veggies – Customized Greatly 4: The Return Of The Boy
Chance The Rapper – Colouring Book
Chevy Woods – The Freemix
Chiedu Oraka – Not Ya Average Spitting 1.5
Chris Crack – Troll Till They Fold
Chuck Inglish & Blended Babies – Ev Zepplin
Clipping – Wriggle
Conway – 50 Round Drum
Curren$y – Bourbon Street Secrets (with Purps), Revolver (with Sledgren), The Legend Of Harvard Blue and Stoned On Ocean
D.I.T.C. – D.I.T.C. Studios
Dalek – Asphalt For Eden
Dawn Richards – Infrared
De La Soul – For Your Pain & Suffering
Deante Hitchcock - GOOD
Death Grips – Bottomless Pit
Deniro Farrar – Mind Of A Gemini
Desiigner – New English
Die Antwoord – Suck On This
Doctor Flake – Six
dom.o.b – 3 Years Late
Don Mykel – GOD Mykel The Last Martyr
Drake – Views
The Egyptian Lover – 1983 - 1988
Elucid – Save Yourself
DJ Esco – Project E.T. (Esco Terrestrial)
Ethereal – Look At Me
Faces Of Def – Hustle Grind Hard
Famous Dex – Heartbreak Kid
Fat Jon – Tephlon Funk The Free Tape
Fat Nick – When The Lean Runs Out
Fat Trel – SDMG 2
Fifty Grand – Summoning Key
Fki 1st – First Time For Everything Pt. 1
Flume – Skin
Frank Nitt – Asphalt Runways
Freeway – Free Will
DJ Fresh & Mistah FAB – The Tonight Show Pt.3
Frisco – System Killer
Fusion – Rough Kutz & Abstractions, Brave New World, Summer Series V.2 and Pumped EP
The Game – Streets Of Compton
Genius & Felipe – A Eastside Story
Gold Panda – Good Luck And Do Your Best
Grafh – Pain Killers Reloaded
Grand Puba – Black From The Future
Greenova South – Kome Ryde With Us
GxFR (Westside Gunn, Conway & Mach-Hommy) – Don't Get Scared Now
Hak - June
Havoc & The Alchemist – The Silent Partner
Homeboy Sandman – Kindness For Weakness
Hoodrich Pablo Juan – Designer Drugz 2
Horseshoe Gang – Ant-Trap Music
Ill Bill – Septagram
Illa Ghee – Illa Matic
Ivy Sole - Eden
J $tash – Hood Rich
J-Dilla – The Diary
Jam Tidy – Jam Tidy EP
James Blake – The Colour In Anything
Jeremiah Jetpack – Rip Wasabi
Jerreau – Never How You Plan
Jigmastas - Resurgence
Jim Jones – The Kitchen
Jody Breeze – No Promo
Joey Purp – iiiDrops
John Robinson – Water The Plants EP
J SOUL – Jane 2 Miami
J-Zone – Fish-N-Grits
K.A.A.N. – Uncommon Knowledge
Kaytranada – 99.9%
Kevlaar 7 – A Beautiful Soul
Key – Before I Scream
Key Nyata – Dad Of The Year
Khary – Intern Aquarium
Killer Bee – Alone
King Harris – Nightmare On Wolff St
The Kleenrz – Season Two
Kojaque – Sunday Roast
Kokane – Kokane King Of G-Funk
Kool A.D. – All Love and Kool A.D. Is Dead
Kweku Collins – Nat Love
LA The Darkman – La Luminati
Lady Leshurr – Queen's Speech EP
Larry June – Larry
Le$ – Techno Violet
Lil Duke – Uber
Lil Uzi Vert – Lil Uzi vs The World
Lil West – Indigo 2
Lotto Savage – Don Slaughter
Lucki Eck$ – Son Of Sam
Luu Breeze – Something In The Shade
Madeintyo – You Are Forgiven EP
Mark Battles – Before The Deal
Masta Ace – The Falling Season
Maxo Kream – The Persona Tape
Mayer Hawthorne – Man About Town
MED – Bang Ya Head 4
The Mekanix – Under The Hood
Meyhem Lauren – Piatto D'Oro
Michael Christmas – Baggy Eyes EP
Miles Davis & Robert Glasper – Everything's Beautiful
theMind – SummerCamp
Mistah F.A.B. – Son Of A Pimp Pt. 2
Montana Of 300 – Fire In The Church
Mr Lif – Don't Look Down
Neroche – Roadside Oddities
Nessly – Still Finessin'
Night Lovell – Red Teenage Melody
Noveliss – Mic Swordz
Oddisee – The Odd Tape
OG Maco – 7FRVR and OG Maco 2 Episode 1 The Duke Of Summer
Onry Ozzborn – Duo
P Money – Thank You EP
The Palmer Squares – Planet Of The Shapes
Paul Wall & Baby Bash – The Legalizers: Legalize or Die Vol.1
Peewee Longway – Money, Pounds Ammunition 3
Planet Asia & DJ Concept – Seventy Nine
Planet Jane – Serial Experiments Jane
Polish Juke – Polish Juke Split Series Vol. 2
Pollari – Sonya and Hi, Kevin!
Pouya – Underground Underdog
Problem – Hotels 2 The Lobby & Hotels 2 The Master Suite
Progress – Back To Reality
DJ Quik & Problem – Rosecrans EP
Ralo & Young Scooter – Dream Team
Ransom – History Of Violence
DJ Rashad – Afterlife
Ras Kass – Refresher Course
Reese LAFLARE – Before The Universe
Revivolution – Kotas 'n' Caviar
Rexx Life Raj – Father Figure
Rich The Kid – Rich Forever Music & Trap Talk
Riff Raff – Peach Panther
River Tiber – Indigo
Rocko – Wordplay 2
Royce Da 5'9” – Trust The Shooter & Layers
Sathia Sai Baba – The Misadventures Of A Druggy
Sauce Walka – Holy Sauce
SBTRKT – Save Yourself
Scotty ATL – Home Sick
Shad Da God – Free The Goat
DJ Shadow – The Mountain Will Fall
ShaqIsDope – Black Frames
Shawty Lo – Built Not Bought
Sir Michael Rocks – Part 2
Skepta – Konnichiwa
Skippa Da Flippa – I'm Havin' 2
Skizzy Mars – Alone Together
Smoke DZA – Ringside 4 and George Kush Da Button (Don't Pass Trump The Blunt)
Snak The Ripper – From The Dirt
Snoop Dogg - Coolaid
Soulja Boy – Better Late Than Neve
Spark Master Tape – Silhouette Of A Sunken City
Spliff – 989
Suff Daddy – Birdsongs
Sylvan LaCue – Far From Familiar
Taso – Cold Heat Vol. 4
Tate Kobang – Since We're Here
TEAMSESH – youarealltoblame
Tellem Hawk – What A Rush!!!
Terrance Martin – Velvet Portraits
Tim Gent – Rumor Has It
Trapo – She
Trae Tha Truth – Another 48 Hours
Trouble – Skoobzilla
Truck North – Before The Devil Knows You're Dead
True Masterz & Da Shogunz – Rap Buddhaz
Tunji Ige – Missed Calls
Ty Money – Conco De Money 2
Ugly Heroes – Everything In Between
The Underachievers – It Happened In Flatbush
Various Artists – Smoke Till I'm Dead
Various Artists – JUKEしようや Barren Illusion ~ Remember Hiroki Yamamura ~ Vol.1
Verbal Kent & !llMind – Weight Of Your World
Vic Mensa – There's A Lot Going On
Vybz Kartel – King Of The Dancehall
Wale – Summer On Sunset
Watercolor Werewolf – AM Nights & LA Fear
Wifisfuneral – Black Heart Revenge
YC The Cynic – The Farewell Tape
YG – Still Brazy
Yoni & Geti – Testarosa
Young Chop – King Chop
Young Dolph – Bosses & Shooters
Young Roc – 717
Young Scooter – Street Lottery 3
I've been doing these for a while now and I'd love some feedback. What do you enjoy the most about these articles? Do you think it's worth me putting the extra effort in and having a short write up or is simply detailing the genre enough? Is there anything you think I should add?
Also, I've included a few releases on here by users of this sub and intend to continue. If you release a mixtape or album (doesn't have to be hip-hop, I'm open to all music) that you would like me to cover then PM a link to stream or preferably download, and if I like it I'll include it.
submitted by dopebob to hiphopheads [link] [comments]


2016.09.14 02:18 JDog413 OC Tournament #1, Round 1, Match 6.5

This... it can't be. I feel like I've seen this somewhere before... Is this the work of an enemy Stand?!
 
No, not this time! This is, in fact, a redo of Match 6. Since the match's start a whole bunch of things happened, leading to a bunch of reforms to the rules and some other stuff, described in more detail here, in my Ultimate Ruling. These changes in the rules had some pretty major changes in them, especially for this match in particular, and seeing as I had to take action in the middle of the match it was evident that something needed to be done. So, I set up a strawpoll to ask everyone whether or not we should redo the match as a result of these changes.
 
The answer was a resounding, "Pucci did nothing wrong."
 
Well, but the most popular actual answer was that we should, and so here we are again! All combatants will be given a chance to come up with new strategies, and the new rules will be enacted. Secret Judges will stay the same as before, and everyone is welcome to vote in the Popularity Vote below. Location and scenario are the same, and Jojolity stays as well, though if you want more information as to what can and cannot be done in this scenario, check my Ultimate Ruling. (link above)
 
Now, the winner of Match 5 has been revised into Soulja Boy, as Oliver was disqualifed for not showing up. The process of submitting arguments will go like last time, that hasn't changed. Here's Calumba's Story Thread and CPU's Manga Thread.
Voting will end on the 15th at 11:59 PM CST. All other matches will run on schedule, making the last day of this voting the same day as the beginning of Match 7.
On that note, the schedule, now updated with logical match numbers:
 
Round 1
Match Number Match Format Match Flavor Match Location Blues Brothers Cleaners Date
1 1 v 1 Deathmatch Dio’s Mansion, Cairo, Egypt. Filos Campisi Jozen August 22nd
2 1 v 1 Objective Cairo, Egypt. What remains of Dio’s manor Veridis Quo Yuki Mercury August 26th
3 2 v 2 Deathmatch Cairo, Egypt. Literally fighting on the roofs of moving traffic. (Hey, I said The Matrix. Technically, I gave you half the title of the movie. I just didn’t add the Reloaded part) Colin Firenze Olberman, Thomas Majors Anthony Marcus Vittoni, Franz Ferdinand August 30th
4 1 v 1 Deathmatch An underground cave, slowly filling to the brim with floodwater. You have about a minute or two until the place is flooded. William Martin Major Tom September 4th
5 1 v 1 Objective An airplane, carrying a valuable artifact. Oliver Soulja Boy September 7th
6(.5) 2 v 2 Objective On a long road in the deserts of Arizona, a caravan carrying a dreadful artifact needs protecting, and two Stand Users are on the job. Yet two Stand Banditos wait in ambush a little ways down the road, unbeknownst to them… Lina, Ana Cise, Michael J. September 13th
7 1 v 1 Deathmatch An airport in Texas. Two Stand Users lurk, unknown even to each other. Olivia Lynch Theo "Teller" Telling September 15th
8 1 v 1 Objective New Zealand, Hamilton Street Circuit. Get into your best hot rods, cause it’s racing time! Destruction of rivals is completely allowed, that guys a bastard anyways! Ray Charles Alexander Przbyszewski September 19th
9 2 v 2 Deathmatch New Zealand, Hamilton Street Circuit. A Four way intersection, with two crazed lunatics having a street race all through and around it. Have they ever heard of roadkill before? John Doe, John Pepper Oliva Insalata, Boy George September 23rd
10 1 v 1 Deathmatch A glass elevator on a sky scraper in Japan. OK, here’s a joke for you. Two Stand Users walk into an elevator. There’s no suspension cable… (Yeah, I don’t get it either) Neo Abbachio Lake Michigan September 27th
11 1 v 1 Objective The SPW Foundation central building, Dallas, Texas.I’d prefer it if you just walked away now, there’s nothing to see here after all! Gerald "Gene" Hawthorne Jonathan Funds October 1st
12 2 v 2 Objective A mall in Texas, and a familiar taste. Dakota Arana, Big Jack Mr.Boss, Liam G October 5th
 
Bonus Round
Match Format Match Flavor Match Location Blues Brother Cleaner Date
1 v 1 v Boss Optional Boss Battle Yare Yare... why'd you come back to the SPW anyway? Patrick "Pat" Vegas Pit "Repider" Prentice Act 1 - Act 2 October 9th
 
Scenario: Shining Sandstorm Ep 6
 
Michael J had been in the business for a long time, and had seen many things. In an occupation like his, one had to be prepared for disappointment. It was the natural consequence for relying on others, not doing things yourself when you can. At times like these, he had found it was best to just sit back and count his losses. Reevaluate the situation in peace, and get a new perspective. Find out what you’ve gained. Yet this time, Michael could no longer do that. It was apparent that at this point there was something different going on, something that could wait no longer. Something that not only jeopardized his own operation, but that of the Cleaners as a whole.
So, he got online, and with a few clicks reached the Cleaners website. With purpose, he logged on, and wasted no time after.
 
Active Users: Major_Tom_admin, Repider, BigBlackHole, Crazy_Frog, Yuki_me_around, Praise_The_Sun
 
Michael_J_admin: Not everyone is here. Why isn’t everyone here?
Michael_J_admin: I know I sent the message out to everybody.
Crazy_Frog: Can’t be helped. Not everyone has access to a computer right now.
Yuki_me_around: I was barely even able to find a computer. Had to use F’s. I don’t think he should be back for a while.
Praise_The_Sun: I’m getting a lot of lag… but this bucket of bolts managed to get a connection somehow. I need a new computer…
Michael_J_admin: I’d hoped for better attendance.
Praise_The_Sun: Send money.
Michael_J_admin: So, aren’t you gonna tell me?
Major_Tom_admin: Tell you… what?
Michael_J_admin: What else?
Michael_J_admin: Information has been leaking out of us like a rusty bucket. Every time we make a move, the BB counters. Every time someone makes it back alive, someone else doesn’t. And with the attack on Tom, there’s only one question TO ask.
Repider: You’re not saying…
Michael_J_admin: I am. So tell me, which one of you is the traitor?
 
The chat went silent for a minute. Dead silent. Even just staring at words on the screen, Michael found it easy to imagine the shocked look on his allies’ faces at the brazenness of his accusation, the wrongness of the scenario presented. The Cleaners may have just formed a few years ago, but ties were already as tight as family. Each one would gladly place their lives in the hands of another Cleaner. For one of them to be a traitor…
Yet it was the only option. Michael J imagined that, somewhere out there, one of his audience was sweating guiltily. The intel the enemy had was too much, too accurate, for it not to be case. He knew it, and now as chat started to revive itself, he knew that everybody else knew it too.
 
Praise_The_Sun: Excuse me? What’d you type? I can’t see, my monitor’s getting all funny. Damn computer…
Crazy_Frog: A traitor among us? As hard as that is to believe… I have to admit I wouldn’t be surprised if not everyone here was perfectly kosher.
Praise_The_Sun: Send money.
Major_Tom_admin: As much as I don’t want it to be so… when that Stand User attacked me in the caves, he possessed far more knowledge about the Cleaners than any Blues Brother should have.
BigBlackHole: It was supposed to be an ambush in Cairo. No one outside of us was supposed to even know I was there. And yet when the BB showed up, he acted like he was expecting me! Was that the traitor too?
Michael_J_admin: And it’s only going to get worse from here. We need to find this guy, NOW. Get everyone, every Cleaner on it. I don’t care if they’re on mission or not, get back here and help weed out the traitor. We have information that absolutely MUST NOT be compromised.
Repider: Like, the map?
Yuki_me_around: That map ruined my life!
Repider: You’re just working with F. It can’t be that bad.
Yuki_me_around: You don’t know, Pit. You just don’t know.
BigBlackHole: What does that map even lead to anyway? I was never told.
Praise_The_Sun: Roca de Quicavi deposits, all around the world. Quite a rare rock, if I do say so myself.
Praise_The_Sun: One sniff, one stand. 100% success rate. Beats an arrow anyday, eh Michael?
BigBlackHole: 100% success rate?! Is that even possible?
Crazy_Frog: Got that computer working then, Alex?
Praise_The_Sun: Quite the lucrative product to get your hands on! No wonder everyone’s after it, eh friendo?
Michael_J_admin: You’re not Alex. Who are you?
 
[Praise_The_Sun changed his name to Ana_Khan]
 
Ana_Khan: Surprise, surprise!
Repider: WHAT?!
Yuki_me_around: HOW?!
Crazy_Frog: Interesting…
BigBlackHole: What did you do to Alex?!
Ana_Khan: Nothing, I just rewired his computer’s input a little. Anything I type goes, and all his keyboard puts out is null.
Ana_Khan: You know, you Cleaners should really use more difficult passwords than, well, herecumsthesun123. It’s like you’re asking to be hacked there, friendo.
Michael_J_admin: So you’re the Girl Wonder that’s been causing all the fuss? Are you the traitor then?
Ana_Khan: Yup, that’d be me! Ana Khan, traitor-extraordinaire!
Major_Tom_admin: Well, that at least resolves one problem…
Ana_Khan: Just kidding. (lol)
Major_Tom_admin: …
Ana_Khan: I only hacked in today, and it took a while too. For the longest time all I could do was give the oaf computer problems. But now that the process is complete, I’ve got ALL the power.
Michael_J_admin: Why did you come here, BB? The longer you stay, the easier it will be to track your IP. And through that, you. Even a child ought to understand that. Why?
Ana_Khan: Well… let’s just say I have a proposition for ya, ol’ buddy ol’ pal.
Ana_Khan: In 3 days, I’ll be at 34 Degrees north, 111 Degrees West, on the highway around that area. Desert, ridges, fork in the road. I’ll meet you there, k?
Ana_Khan: I’ll be walking alongside a SPW caravan, two horses drawn, two SPWs on guard. Giant horse-drawn carriage with a SPW logo on it, pretty hard to miss me go by. We're gonna be heading towards a SPW safehouse to store a little something something. Let’s settle things the old fashioned way, mano a mano!
Ana_Khan: Mano a womano.
Michael_J_admin: And what does that matter? All I have to do is call the number and you’re in sniper sights. Why would I come to your duel?
Ana_Khan: Cause.
Ana_Khan: I’ve-got-something-yoooouuu-don’t… : ^ )
 
Ana linked Michael J. an image, and despite his misgivings that the file might be some sort of malware, he opened it. When it rendered, he couldn’t believe his eyes.
 
Major_Tom_admin: Is this…?
Michael_J_admin: Another map.
Ana_Khan: You want to come now doncha? You can’t leave this to your subordinates, can ya? You know they’ll muck it up!
Ana_Khan: Believe me, send a lackey to deal with me, and you’ll have a corpse sent back to you. You could come yourself, though. That would give you a fighting chance.
Ana_Khan: Maybe.
Ana_Khan: Probably not. The facts just don’t allow for that…
BigBlackHole: And what facts would those be?
Ana_Khan: Cleaners = Stupid (lol)
Crazy_Frog: She’s provoking you. It’s a trap. Think logically. If she had a second map, why’d she send so many people after the first one?
Ana_Khan: You know what I love in my RPGs? Extra turns. Take out a couple extra enemies for free, no risk to you! Even if you don’t do much damage, you still have a leg up on the enemy : ^ )
Micahel_J_admin: Fine then. I hope you’ve already finished with that map, girl, because in 3 days…
Michael_J_admin: That map is mine.
Ana_Khan: Lookin' orward to it, friendo! : ^ P
Ana_Khan has logged off
 
Repider: So… um… what just happened?
Major_Tom_admin: *forward
Repider: Uh... what?
Major_Tom_admin: She forgot the f. It's forward.
Yuki_me_around: And that matters... why?
Major_Tom_admin: It bothered me.
Repider: So... that aside... WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Michael_J_admin: A little girl just died.
Michael_J_admin: Tell Cise to pack his bags for Arizona. We’re going to put this kid down.
Crazy_Frog: It’s a trap.
Michael_J_admin: That’s why I’m bringing Cise. We’ve got spies of our own, remember? I know more about Ana than she does about herself. Whether or not the map is real is irrelevant, she’s definitely going to Arizona.
Michael_J_admin: Just not alone. She’s going to try to be clever, maybe bring one other Stand User at the minimum. She probably expects me to do the same. But none of that changes a simple fact.
Major_Tom_admin: What?
Michael_J_admin: The fact that this is our best chance at getting rid of her. We might never get an opportunity like this again.
BigBlackHole: But, Michael…
Michael_J_admin: I’ll be seeing you again.
Michael_J_admin has logged off
 
And now the time has come. Three days have passed, and just as Ana had said, she arrived in Arizona with her convoy, Lina Rey by her side. Michael J and Cise arrived ahead of time, lying in wait for the Blues Brothers.
Thunder rumbles in the distance. The world would not soon forget the clash of powers this day.
OPEN THE GAME!
 
Location: A desert road in Arizona
Because I didn't get into much detail in the Scenario, prepare for a little more details than usual.
Ana and Lina are side by side, coming in by the caravan around the bottom right corner here. Michael J. and Cise are at the fork in the road behind the ridge, waiting for the caravan. Both sides expect conflict, and Michael J. and Ana know that the other is going to be there, but their companions are unknown from all four. (Michael J. and Cise don’t know about Lina, Ana and Lina don’t know about Cise. The best they can guess, the enemy probably took back up, but they don’t know who.)
There’s thunder in the distance, so one can assume it’s going to start raining fairly soon into the match. The wind is blowing from the North-West to the South-East, and that is also the direction the rains will pass through the match as the clouds encroach in. The clouds will be quite thick, and the rain quite heavy, so when the rains come in visibility will get poorer.
The SPWs, of which there are only two, cannot see Stands and are armed with only small rifles, for the purposes of this match, only have a bullet each. They’re nervous, and likely to shoot at the slightest whiff of danger. If panicked while it is raining, they may even shoot a horse of the caravan by mistaking it for an enemy.
Meanwhile, the caravan itself is roomy enough to fit four people as long as they sat down. It’s being pulled by two horses, which will try to follow the intended path as closely as possible. The intended path is that, once they get to the fork, to go to the North-East. Through thick and thin, no matter how heavy it rains or even if a horse is killed, they will reach their destination without fail so long as at least one SPW remains. (For these purposes, Ana and Lina count) If both stay alive the whole time, they should reach their destination in 10 minutes. One horse is stronger than the other, but neither side knows which, they can only make reasonable assumptions. If the stronger horse dies, then the remaining horse will reach the destination in 20 minutes. If the weaker horse dies, the remaining horse will reach the destination in 12 minutes.
 
Objective for Blues Brothers: Protect the map inside the caravan from being stolen until it can reach its destination, or take out the enemy.
Objective for Cleaners: Steal the contents of the caravan before it can reach its destination, or take out the enemy.
Team Contestant Jojolity
Blues Brothers Ana "Act 3: Freeze!": Do not trap Cise until you have subdued Michael J. (Even temporarily, as subdued in this case means, "Rendered non-dangerous") While he's subdued, you can do whatever you want. Don't let your partner be the one to subdue him, you've got to do it yourself. You’ve got to capture him, it’s now or never!
Blues Brothers Lina Rey "The police say a burglar probably wanted Danny out of the way.": Don't let a single horse get killed. You must defend these majestic creatures!
Cleaners Michael J. "Draw. Let's see who's the fastest gun in the West.": Do not lay a finger on anyone on purpose, until you have subdued Ana. (Even temporarily, as subdued in this case means "rendered non-dangerous") While she is no longer dangerous, you may do whatever you want to. Don't let your partner be the one to subdue her, it has to be you. You've got to capture her, it's now or never!
Clenaers Cise "I evened the score by killing that mutt...": Have a SPW kill a horse. They'll fall by their own hands!
Previous matches: Match 1, Match 2, Match 3, Match 4, Match 5
 
Character Registration List (Now with Current Status):
Reddit Name Stand User Name Stand Name Team Status
Quikanims Cise All Caps Cleaners In Combat
capybaraluver John Pepper Strawberry Fields Forever Blues Brothers Active
BringerOfFunk Boy George Karma Chameleon Cleaners Active
StonedVolus Olivia Lynch Life on Mars Blues Brothers Active
Aarongeddon Liam G Soft Shock Cleaners Active
TheMysteriousDoc Ray Charles Psycho Killer Blues Brothers Active
tombola20 Major Tom Ground Control Cleaners Active: 1 KO
Bentonic64 Lina Hot Pursuit Blues Brothers In Combat
Metlwing Theo "Teller" Telling Hip Hop Kid Cleaners Active
rederister Thomas Majors The Man Who Sold The World Blues Brothers Active: 0 KO's.
webdiings Jozen Supermassive Black Hole Cleaners Active: 1 KO
Addem_Up William Martin Just the Way You are Blues Brothers RETIRED
FrustratedRocka Mr.Boss Bladecatcher Cleaners Active
OddDirective Colin Firenze Olberman Glorious Domination Blues Brothers RETIRED
phinsa123 Anthony Marcus Vittoni Linkin Park Cleaners Active: 1 KO
JostleMania Veridis Quo Face to Face Blues Brothers Active: 1 KO
juanjoestar25 Oliva Insalata Any Colour You Like Cleaners Active
Serefin99 Gerald "Gene" Hawthorne Memory Lane Blues Brothers Active
Kuroikatsuchi Yuki Mercury You Spin Me Round Cleaners RETIRED
Gallerian Dakota Arana Spider Dance Blues Brothers Active
penguin1m Jonathan Funds The Man Comes Around Cleaners Active
SlyRocko Neo Abbachio Cozmic Travel Blues Brothers Active
ChokolateThundah Lake Michigan Random Access Memories Cleaners Active
VforVanarchy Big Jack Shoot to Thrill Blues Brothers Active
qwackas Franz Ferdinand Evil Eye Cleaners Active
SquirelKing Oliver Three Days Grace Blues Brothers RETIRED
Repider Pit "Repider" Prentice Mirror Cleaners Active
Calumba Ana Instant Crush Blues Brothers In Combat
CPU_Dragon Michael J. Staying Alive Cleaners In Combat
VictorShade1 Patrick "Pat" Vegas Shadows of the Night Blues Brothers Active
Elenir1 Alexander Przbyszewski Here Comes the Sun Cleaners Active
iOraclae Filos Campisi Who are You Really? Blues Brothers RETIRED
FINDTHECOMPUTERROOM Soulja Boy Sex Bob-Omb Cleaners Active: 1 KO
pipibug1 John Doe Ramblin' Man Blues Brothers Active
 
Thanks to tombola20 for the Status portion of registration! And thank you to everyone for sticking with the tournament throughout it all!
 
EDIT: And that's about it! Voting is now closed! (As of 9/15 11:59 PM CST) Thanks for voting, and the next Match, Match 7, is already up! If you haven't already, I recommend checking it out!
submitted by JDog413 to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]


2016.09.12 03:58 JDog413 Jojo's OC Tournament #1: My Ultimate Ruling

Note: This post was created as a response to the tournament as a whole, but posted around the start up of Match 6.
Alright, listen up. Gather round.
You asked for it, so here it is. This is My Ultimate Ruling.
 
This match has been confusing, and salt has been flowing everywhere. Largely due in part, to the rules not being clear, and not being enforced well. I take the blame for that, I had tried to be a lenient Judge, but the time has come to Stand firm on a few things, and set a precedent from here on forward. I recognize this now: Rules mean nothing if not even the judge will follow and enforce them. Seeing how things are going now, I know there's only one thing I can do here. Sorry in advance, the kid gloves are coming off.
 
Let's clear some things up, shall we?
 
Part I: Match 5, and Participation.
First of all, in regards to the last match. Before the match began, SquirelKing hadn't posted in over a month, to the point where it was a topic of debate as to whether he'd show up or not. In concern, I Private Messaged the combatant as to whether or not he could make it, and he said yes, in what I'm sure is a well-known story to the contestants at this point. Then, long story short, he didn't, and after a brief summit with the two teams VforVanarchy was appointed to defend him.
Back then, I was OK with the decision. It would be exceedingly disappointing to have a single side have not one, but two RETIRES do to users not arriving, so I made an exception. The votes came in, and as such, Oliver won, and Soulja Boy was RETIRED. However, probably due to the hasty decision, everyone got confused, including VforVanarchy, who forgot that as a representative of a combatant he was not supposed to comment unless questioned, or unless they were adding on to their strategies in the response threads. Spurred on by this, FINDTHECOMPUTERROOM also abandoned his thread, and things devolved into chaos.
Back then, I stood by the decision, and allowed all involved parties to get a pass in this scenario.
 
That decision has been rescinded.
 
Listen up! If you're a combatant in one of these matches, you've got to post at least once! If you can't make it, and you know this, then tell me in advance! I'll assign a member of your team to speak for you in the response threads. If you don't, you're RETIRED. Plain and simple. However, if someone else is defending you, do not post yourself. If you do, you're liable to receive a punishment, outlined below. In a similar vein, if you're defending someone, do not vote in Popularity, and do not comment anywhere a combatant isn't supposed to. Failure to comply results in a penalty. As such, the results of Match 5 are officially nulled. Oliver has been retired, and Soulja Boy revived.
 
But that's not all. No, I see now that the rules need to be clearer, and the consequences more concrete. Before, I'd allow whatever arguments a person wanted, and I wasn't entirely clear on what a combatant could comment on, and what they couldn't. Now, I move on to a matter pertaining to both this Match and the previous one.
 
Part II: Combatants comments, and Invitations.
 
It's no secret that I've said, in every Match thread, for combatants to only post within their own Response Threads unless asked a question. For the most part, I had hoped that combatants would adhere to this with goodwill, and I was willing to overlook a few infractions as long as I could see a valid reason. After all, I was vague before. But nowadays, combatants are just running loose wherever they feel like. It's time to give my words a little weight.
Combatants must only post in their response threads from here on, unless they are specifically given an invitation to comment on a certain comment or reply. An invitation is a simple thing, concrete, and impossible to mistake. An Invitation means that within the comment, the commentor uses the Redditor name in particular, in the format of CPU_Dragon or u/Calumba. If you don't see a /u anywhere in the comment, if you're a combatant, you don't comment there!
Punishments for failing to comply here will be as such: If a combatant is caught commenting where they shouldn't, I will subtract a point from Popularity. In addition, it will probably effect my opinion on Jojolity as well. Three infractions within a single match will result in an AUTO-RETIRE, same as being inactive.
Of course, this applies for this match as well. However, since the rules were just spelled out, I'll give the Combatants until 8:00 PM CST of the 12th, tomorrow, to either delete or move their comments to their appropriate threads before inflicting punishment.
 
Now that that's out of the way, let's move on.
 
Part III: Strategies.
 
Alright, this is one thing that by its definition is hard to rule on. After all, this is a tournament that largely relies on creativity and writing skill, so the possibilities are nearly infinite by that alone. However, I'd been bothered by certain things throughout the tournament, and right now I would like to set the record straight.
First, on prior knowledge. No combatant has knowledge of the enemy Stand or appearance unless I explicitly say so. Knowing a name does not allow you to know appearance or Stand abilities. Knowing appearance doesn't give you name or Ability. Knowing Ability doesn't give you name or appearance. If I didn't mention your knowledge on a facet of a character, for the purposes of the competition, assume you don't have it.
Next, on preparation in regards to location. Contrary to popular belief at the moment, both sides have been guilty of this in previous matches. Just because I gave you a map doesn't mean your characters have it too. Even if I tell you the weather condition at the time you arrived, doesn't mean your characters became clairvoyant and dressed appropriately.
If you'll recall, there was a section on your character bio called "Physical Description". In this, you gave a physical description of your character, what they wear in most circumstances, what weapons they carry, etc. That was for more than just vanity, that was another thing to be used in combat. If its on Physical Description, assume your character is wearing that to every battle, regardless of location or conditions. If your character uses a weapon that's not good for the scenario, and it would make logical sense to use another, they'll use the first weapon unless they can find the other on the battlefield itself. In other words, you're locked into what you wrote. That's the just the nature of the competition.
Third, Fighting Style. That section was there for a reason, and that's to describe how your character regularly approaches battle. I'd encourage you to stick to it as close as possible, for now when Jojolity is tied I'll determine the winner by who stuck closest to their described Style. Stay in character, better chance of winning. You can deviate if you wish, but keep it in mind.
Fourth, preparation in regard to battle itself. I've been seeing a lot of complaints about that in this match in particular. That seems to be causing most of the salt, so as Judge, its my duty to make a ruling on it. I will.
  1. Michael J.'s guns. These are entirely legal. In his post for Michael J., CPU explicitly states that his character packs firearms, knives, a briefcase full of cash and various specialized ammunition. He also includes the decidedly vague description of having assorted tools on hand, in in that I reach out and ask, specifically, "What's in the box, Michael?" However, as for the meat bullets he uses here, that falls under the term "specialized ammo", and is what I'll assume he meant there. It's not unusual for him to bring heat, despite everything.
  2. Cise's use of said guns. There's no rule about passing firearms, and you are not only allowed, but encouraged to use what you have on hand to end fights. Weapons you find on the battlefield or on your partners, heck even on your enemies, are allowed.
  3. Jeeps and horses. I'm afraid I wasn't specific here, I'll fix that. There are only two horses on the battlefield, and both are pulling the SPW caravan. I never mentioned that either side was riding anything. To allow for a more even comparison of stats and abilities, assume from this point onwards that, if I don't mention a specific mode of transport, you're on foot. That's the case here.
  4. Three days of preparation. I gave you three days, I don't take that back. That's exactly why I gave the characters three days, so that both Cise and Lina could learn from their partners. (Cise to incorporate guns into his fighting style, Lina to learn to use Ana's rings) Still, you only had three days! Neither Cise nor Lina are going to be perfect in only 3! The reasons why Michael J. and Ana are so good at using their weapons is the same: they had years of experience! However, in the end the Blues Brothers did too little with the three days and the Cleaners did too much. I'll allow both sides to revise their strategies later, just post it in the response thread.
  5. State of the bombs. Both the Blues Brothers and the Cleaners know where the fight is going to take place. Neither Ana nor Michael J. are very trusting of their enemy. As such, it would be nearly impossible for either to booby trap the arena without the other's notice. They're both going to have tight surveillance, and for this match in particular they'll both know the lay of the land like the back of their hands.
 
Right, there we go. That wasn't a lot of fun for me, and maybe not to you, but I believe it had to be done. If you have any further questions about rules, PM me directly. Hm... lastly, please try to keep the toxicity down. If either side gets too toxic, I'll give a verbal warning to tone it down. If it's not corrected by the time voting closes, I'll dock a vote from Popularity.
 
I know it strange to say it now, but I'll just reiterate: This is a tournament that was designed to be fun for the players. We're all here for one reason: We love all things Jojo. That's what makes us great as a fandom, a community. That's what allowed us to bring so many spectacular people together, just to have some playful arguments and show off your creativity. The past few weeks have been absolutely breathtaking for me, to be able to see how much passion one could have for this silly Shonen series. How much utter joy it could bring to everyone... now more than ever, I want to protect that feeling. That's why I have to run a tighter ship, to continue making this situation one where no one feels like they got jibbed or ripped off. Where everyone can walk away feeling like they had a good time.
 
OK. I'm actually done now. Good luck on this match, and all others after it!
submitted by JDog413 to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]


2016.09.11 05:44 JDog413 OC Tournament #1, Round 1, Match 6: Ana and Lina VS Michael J. and Cise

The Results are in! The winner is...
 
The Blues Brothers: Oliver!
 
Here's the rundown of the match:
Vote Results Comment
Popularity Blues Brothers: Oliver I had to count this up so many times, and there were two invalid votes, one on each side. One was when the representative for Oliver voted for himself, and one was a poor soul who had simply voted the day after the voting was closed. One invalid vote on each side, so the end result was 8 - 7, with Oliver taking it. More clarity below.
Loyalty Blues Brothers: Oliver This one went 3 - 0. All three judges showed up, and largely said that Oliver's Stand was simply better for the scenario.
Jojolity Cleaners: Soulja Boy Despite Oliver's sides best arguments, one simple fact remains unchallengeable. There was 0 chance for Oliver to complete his objective without getting a civilian injured, either by his own doing or by Soulja Boy's. In addition, there was no way he'd be able to navigate the plane without catching sight of Sex Bob Omb, meaning that any explosions afterwards would cause him to fail the Jojolity... as he had knowingly gotten civilians hurt.
 
For those curious about the results with the two invalid votes, here's a log of the popularity vote. Only the first letter of a redditors name is given here.
Cleaners Votes: Q, t, E, B, C, R, and C. j was not counted, as that vote was given at around 5:00 AM CST, more than a few hours past due date. 7 votes.
Blues Brothers Votes: A, C, r, S, T, B, S, G. V was not counted, as representative of Oliver he cannot vote for Oliver. That's equivalent to voting for yourself. 8 votes.
Final thoughts? The match started off slow, as SquirelKing didn't give his argument in time, but as soon as VforVanarchy took his place things kicked off. However, everything happened on the last possible day, so it was a lot more frantic than usual. As such, tensions ran higher between the two teams than ever. In this situation, salt was almost inevitable... which is why this Match's Play of the Game was simply about a show of sportsmanship.
It's not the argument here that caught my eye, but the bit at the end. Despite everything, no hard feelings. Arguing politely but determinedly,especially in this scenario... that's the vibe that netted this post the Play of the Game.
The process of submitting arguments will go like last time. Here's Calumba's Story Thread and CPU's Manga Thread. In addition, Elenir1 has requested a Stand Change, in order to better balance his Stand out. The Cleaners and Blues Brothers consented to this, and TheMysteriousDoc is considering the same thing. Their characters are Alexander Przbyszewski and Ray Charles respectively. They're both going up against each other in Match 8. If you think they should or shouldn't be allowed to do so, let me know in the comments below.
Voting ends on September 13th, Tuesday, at 11:59 PM CST. Now then, let's go to the main event!
 
Scenario: Shining Sandstorm Ep 6
 
Michael J had been in the business for a long time, and had seen many things. In an occupation like his, one had to be prepared for disappointment. It was the natural consequence for relying on others, not doing things yourself when you can. At times like these, he had found it was best to just sit back and count his losses. Reevaluate the situation in peace, and get a new perspective. Find out what you’ve gained. Yet this time, Michael could no longer do that. It was apparent that at this point there was something different going on, something that could wait no longer. Something that not only jeopardized his own operation, but that of the Cleaners as a whole.
So, he got online, and with a few clicks reached the Cleaners website. With purpose, he logged on, and wasted no time after.
 
Active Users: Major_Tom_admin, Repider, BigBlackHole, Crazy_Frog, Yuki_me_around, Praise_The_Sun
 
Michael_J_admin: Not everyone is here. Why isn’t everyone here?
Michael_J_admin: I know I sent the message out to everybody.
Crazy_Frog: Can’t be helped. Not everyone has access to a computer right now.
Yuki_me_around: I was barely even able to find a computer. Had to use F’s. I don’t think he should be back for a while.
Praise_The_Sun: I’m getting a lot of lag… but this bucket of bolts managed to get a connection somehow. I need a new computer…
Michael_J_admin: I’d hoped for better attendance.
Praise_The_Sun: Send money.
Michael_J_admin: So, aren’t you gonna tell me?
Major_Tom_admin: Tell you… what?
Michael_J_admin: What else?
Michael_J_admin: Information has been leaking out of us like a rusty bucket. Every time we make a move, the BB counters. Every time someone makes it back alive, someone else doesn’t. And with the attack on Tom, there’s only one question TO ask.
Repider: You’re not saying…
Michael_J_admin: I am. So tell me, which one of you is the traitor?
 
The chat went silent for a minute. Dead silent. Even just staring at words on the screen, Michael found it easy to imagine the shocked look on his allies’ faces at the brazenness of his accusation, the wrongness of the scenario presented. The Cleaners may have just formed a few years ago, but ties were already as tight as family. Each one would gladly place their lives in the hands of another Cleaner. For one of them to be a traitor…
Yet it was the only option. Michael J imagined that, somewhere out there, one of his audience was sweating guiltily. The intel the enemy had was too much, too accurate, for it not to be case. He knew it, and now as chat started to revive itself, he knew that everybody else knew it too.
 
Praise_The_Sun: Excuse me? What’d you type? I can’t see, my monitor’s getting all funny. Damn computer…
Crazy_Frog: A traitor among us? As hard as that is to believe… I have to admit I wouldn’t be surprised if not everyone here was perfectly kosher.
Praise_The_Sun: Send money.
Major_Tom_admin: As much as I don’t want it to be so… when that Stand User attacked me in the caves, he possessed far more knowledge about the Cleaners than any Blues Brother should have.
BigBlackHole: It was supposed to be an ambush in Cairo. No one outside of us was supposed to even know I was there. And yet when the BB showed up, he acted like he was expecting me! Was that the traitor too?
Michael_J_admin: And it’s only going to get worse from here. We need to find this guy, NOW. Get everyone, every Cleaner on it. I don’t care if they’re on mission or not, get back here and help weed out the traitor. We have information that absolutely MUST NOT be compromised.
Repider: Like, the map?
Yuki_me_around: That map ruined my life!
Repider: You’re just working with F. It can’t be that bad.
Yuki_me_around: You don’t know, Pit. You just don’t know.
BigBlackHole: What does that map even lead to anyway? I was never told.
Praise_The_Sun: Roca de Quicavi deposits, all around the world. Quite a rare rock, if I do say so myself.
Praise_The_Sun: One sniff, one stand. 100% success rate. Beats an arrow anyday, eh Michael?
BigBlackHole: 100% success rate?! Is that even possible?
Crazy_Frog: Got that computer working then, Alex?
Praise_The_Sun: Quite the lucrative product to get your hands on! No wonder everyone’s after it, eh friendo?
Michael_J_admin: You’re not Alex. Who are you?
 
[Praise_The_Sun changed his name to Ana_Khan]
 
Ana_Khan: Surprise, surprise!
Repider: WHAT?!
Yuki_me_around: HOW?!
Crazy_Frog: Interesting…
BigBlackHole: What did you do to Alex?!
Ana_Khan: Nothing, I just rewired his computer’s input a little. Anything I type goes, and all his keyboard puts out is null.
Ana_Khan: You know, you Cleaners should really use more difficult passwords than, well, herecumsthesun123. It’s like you’re asking to be hacked there, friendo.
Michael_J_admin: So you’re the Girl Wonder that’s been causing all the fuss? Are you the traitor then?
Ana_Khan: Yup, that’d be me! Ana Khan, traitor-extraordinaire!
Major_Tom_admin: Well, that at least resolves one problem…
Ana_Khan: Just kidding. (lol)
Major_Tom_admin: …
Ana_Khan: I only hacked in today, and it took a while too. For the longest time all I could do was give the oaf computer problems. But now that the process is complete, I’ve got ALL the power.
Michael_J_admin: Why did you come here, BB? The longer you stay, the easier it will be to track your IP. And through that, you. Even a child ought to understand that. Why?
Ana_Khan: Well… let’s just say I have a proposition for ya, ol’ buddy ol’ pal.
Ana_Khan: In 3 days, I’ll be at 34 Degrees north, 111 Degrees West, on the highway around that area. Desert, ridges, fork in the road. I’ll meet you there, k?
Ana_Khan: I’ll be walking alongside a SPW caravan, two horses drawn, two SPWs on guard. Giant horse-drawn carriage with a SPW logo on it, pretty hard to miss me go by. We're gonna be heading towards a SPW safehouse to store a little something something. Let’s settle things the old fashioned way, mano a mano!
Ana_Khan: Mano a womano.
Michael_J_admin: And what does that matter? All I have to do is call the number and you’re in sniper sights. Why would I come to your duel?
Ana_Khan: Cause.
Ana_Khan: I’ve-got-something-yoooouuu-don’t… : ^ )
 
Ana linked Michael J. an image, and despite his misgivings that the file might be some sort of malware, he opened it. When it rendered, he couldn’t believe his eyes.
 
Major_Tom_admin: Is this…?
Michael_J_admin: Another map.
Ana_Khan: You want to come now doncha? You can’t leave this to your subordinates, can ya? You know they’ll muck it up!
Ana_Khan: Believe me, send a lackey to deal with me, and you’ll have a corpse sent back to you. You could come yourself, though. That would give you a fighting chance.
Ana_Khan: Maybe.
Ana_Khan: Probably not. The facts just don’t allow for that…
BigBlackHole: And what facts would those be?
Ana_Khan: Cleaners = Stupid (lol)
Crazy_Frog: She’s provoking you. It’s a trap. Think logically. If she had a second map, why’d she send so many people after the first one?
Ana_Khan: You know what I love in my RPGs? Extra turns. Take out a couple extra enemies for free, no risk to you! Even if you don’t do much damage, you still have a leg up on the enemy : ^ )
Micahel_J_admin: Fine then. I hope you’ve already finished with that map, girl, because in 3 days…
Michael_J_admin: That map is mine.
Ana_Khan: Lookin' orward to it, friendo! : ^ P
Ana_Khan has logged off
 
Repider: So… um… what just happened?
Major_Tom_admin: *forward
Repider: Uh... what?
Major_Tom_admin: She forgot the f. It's forward.
Yuki_me_around: And that matters... why?
Major_Tom_admin: It bothered me.
Repider: So... that aside... WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Michael_J_admin: A little girl just died.
Michael_J_admin: Tell Cise to pack his bags for Arizona. We’re going to put this kid down.
Crazy_Frog: It’s a trap.
Michael_J_admin: That’s why I’m bringing Cise. We’ve got spies of our own, remember? I know more about Ana than she does about herself. Whether or not the map is real is irrelevant, she’s definitely going to Arizona.
Michael_J_admin: Just not alone. She’s going to try to be clever, maybe bring one other Stand User at the minimum. She probably expects me to do the same. But none of that changes a simple fact.
Major_Tom_admin: What?
Michael_J_admin: The fact that this is our best chance at getting rid of her. We might never get an opportunity like this again.
BigBlackHole: But, Michael…
Michael_J_admin: I’ll be seeing you again.
Michael_J_admin has logged off
 
And now the time has come. Three days have passed, and just as Ana had said, she arrived in Arizona with her convoy, Lina Rey by her side. Michael J and Cise arrived ahead of time, lying in wait for the Blues Brothers.
Thunder rumbles in the distance. The world would not soon forget the clash of powers this day.
OPEN THE GAME!
 
Location: A desert road in Arizona
Because I didn't get into much detail in the Scenario, prepare for a little more details than usual.
Ana and Lina are side by side, coming in by the caravan around the bottom right corner here. Michael J. and Cise are at the fork in the road behind the ridge, waiting for the caravan. Both sides expect conflict, and Michael J. and Ana know that the other is going to be there, but their companions are unknown from all four. (Michael J. and Cise don’t know about Lina, Ana and Lina don’t know about Cise. The best they can guess, the enemy probably took back up, but they don’t know who.)
There’s thunder in the distance, so one can assume it’s going to start raining fairly soon into the match. The wind is blowing from the North-West to the South-East, and that is also the direction the rains will pass through the match as the clouds encroach in. The clouds will be quite thick, and the rain quite heavy, so when the rains come in visibility will get poorer.
The SPWs, of which there are only two, cannot see Stands and are armed with only small rifles, for the purposes of this match, only have a bullet each. They’re nervous, and likely to shoot at the slightest whiff of danger. If panicked while it is raining, they may even shoot a horse of the caravan by mistaking it for an enemy.
Meanwhile, the caravan itself is roomy enough to fit four people as long as they sat down. It’s being pulled by two horses, which will try to follow the intended path as closely as possible. The intended path is that, once they get to the fork, to go to the North-East. Through thick and thin, no matter how heavy it rains or even if a horse is killed, they will reach their destination without fail so long as at least one SPW remains. (For these purposes, Ana and Lina count) If both stay alive the whole time, they should reach their destination in 10 minutes. One horse is stronger than the other, but neither side knows which, they can only make reasonable assumptions. If the stronger horse dies, then the remaining horse will reach the destination in 20 minutes. If the weaker horse dies, the remaining horse will reach the destination in 12 minutes.
 
Objective for Blues Brothers: Protect the map inside the caravan from being stolen until it can reach its destination, or take out the enemy.
Objective for Cleaners: Steal the contents of the caravan before it can reach its destination, or take out the enemy.
Team Contestant Jojolity
Blues Brothers Ana "Act 3: Freeze!": Do not trap Cise until you have subdued Michael J. (Even temporarily, as subdued in this case means, "Rendered non-dangerous") While he's subdued, you can do whatever you want. Don't let your partner be the one to subdue him, you've got to do it yourself. You’ve got to capture him, it’s now or never!
Blues Brothers Lina Rey "The police say a burglar probably wanted Danny out of the way.": Don't let a single horse get killed. You must defend these majestic creatures!
Cleaners Michael J. "Draw. Let's see who's the fastest gun in the West.": Do not lay a finger on anyone on purpose, until you have subdued Ana. (Even temporarily, as subdued in this case means "rendered non-dangerous") While she is no longer dangerous, you may do whatever you want to. Don't let your partner be the one to subdue her, it has to be you. You've got to capture her, it's now or never!
Clenaers Cise "I evened the score by killing that mutt...": Have a SPW kill a horse. They'll fall by their own hands!
Previous matches: Previous Matches: Match 1, Match 2, Match 3, Match 4, Match 5
 
Character Registration List:
Reddit Name Stand User Name Stand Name Team
Quikanims Cise All Caps Cleaners
capybaraluver John Pepper Strawberry Fields Forever Blues Brothers
BringerOfFunk Boy George Karma Chameleon Cleaners
StonedVolus Olivia Lynch Life on Mars Blues Brothers
Aarongeddon Liam G Soft Shock Cleaners
TheMysteriousDoc Ray Charles Psycho Killer Blues Brothers
tombola20 Major Tom Ground Control Cleaners
Bentonic64 Lina Hot Pursuit Blues Brothers
Metlwing Theo "Teller" Telling Hip Hop Kid Cleaners
rederister Thomas Majors The Man Who Sold The World Blues Brothers
webdiings Jozen Supermassive Black Hole Cleaners
Addem_Up William Martin Just the Way You are Blues Brothers
FrustratedRocka Mr.Boss Bladecatcher Cleaners
OddDirective Colin Firenze Olberman Glorious Domination Blues Brothers
phinsa123 Anthony Marcus Vittoni Linkin Park Cleaners
JostleMania Veridis Quo Face to Face Blues Brothers
juanjoestar25 Oliva Insalata Any Colour You Like Cleaners
Serefin99 Gerald "Gene" Hawthorne Memory Lane Blues Brothers
Kuroikatsuchi Yuki Mercury You Spin Me Round Cleaners
Gallerian Dakota Arana Spider Dance Blues Brothers
penguin1m Jonathan Funds The Man Comes Around Cleaners
SlyRocko Neo Abbachio Cozmic Travel Blues Brothers
ChokolateThundah Lake Michigan Random Access Memories Cleaners
VforVanarchy Big Jack Shoot to Thrill Blues Brothers
qwackas Franz Ferdinand Evil Eye Cleaners
SquirelKing Oliver Three Days Grace Blues Brothers
Repider Pit "Repider" Prentice Mirror Cleaners
Calumba Ana Instant Crush Blues Brothers
CPU_Dragon Michael J. Staying Alive Cleaners
VictorShade1 Patrick "Pat" Vegas Shadows of the Night Blues Brothers
Elenir1 Alexander Przbyszewski Here Comes the Sun Cleaners
iOraclae Filos Campisi Who are You Really? Blues Brothers
FINDTHECOMPUTERROOM Soulja Boy Sex Bob-Omb Cleaners
pipibug1 John Doe Ramblin' Man Blues Brothers
 
EDIT: I forgot this time. Official Rules are over here.
EDIT 2: In case you missed the comment, there will be a few more clarifications on the rules and punishments. The ruling is listed here
 
EDIT 3: Due to the recent events, I've posted a strawpoll to ask the community's opinion on what do with the state of this match. Should we redo the voting process again from scratch in a different post, or continue on with this one? Please let me know here.
submitted by JDog413 to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]


2016.08.11 17:42 JDog413 Jojo's OC Tournament #1, Stage Select

Following up on yesterday's post, the Stage Select thread starts now! For those new to the tournament, the official rules are right here, and I'd recommend giving them a read before going any further.
In addition, I'd like to announce a few more posts that will go up today. These are the Red Team and Blue Team lobbies, places for the team members and their supporters to chat, strategize, roleplay, and pretty much whatever else they might want to do. If you're not sure what match to go into, or who your partner should be, you can ask on your team thread and work something out easily now.
Now, as for the rules of the Stage Select thread, they're pretty simple compared to everything else.
Between every Round of the tournament, a Stage Select thread will be opened. Here, the participants select which individual matches they want to be a part of. Stand Users from both sides get to do this, and the slots will be reserved on a first-come, first serve basis. As mentioned in the original rules, each match is wildly unique and has varying conditions and locations, some of which would benefit certain Stands, others of which would pretty much ruin them. To help give participants an idea of what type of match they're signing up for, the amount of participants per match will be listed below, as well as small hints as to the contents of the matches.
In general, matches come in one of two flavors though: Deathmatch and Objective. The goals of the two matches are obvious enough from the names. Of course, down below I will NOT be telling you which match is a Deathmatch and which is an Objective... that's up to you to find out!
 
Well... that's about all I wanted to tell you about the Stage Select. Now, once again... OPEN THE GAME!
 
1 on 1 Matches
Match Forecast Blue Team Participant Red Team Participant Match Number
"I hate sand. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating and it gets everywhere..." Filos Campisi Jozen 1
"Things have gotten rather cryptic, haven't they?" Veridis Quo Yuki Mercury 2
"I sincerely hope you can't swim. Bye." William Martin Major Tom 3
"I'm never flying with you again." BLANK Soulja Boy 4
"Wait, who's the hunter again?" Olivia Lynch Theo "Teller" Telling 5
"Eat shit asshole! Fall off your horse!" Ray Charles Alexander Przbyszewski 6
"Ground floor, coming up..." Neo Abbachio Lake Michigan 7
"Wait... am I being ROBBED?!" Gerald "Gene" Hawthorne Jonathan Funds 8
 
2 on 2 matches
Match Forecast Blue Team 1 Blue Team 2 Red Team 1 Red Team 2 Match Number
"I have a question for you. Have you ever watched The Matrix?" Colin Firenze Olberman Thomas Majors Anthony Marcus Vittoni Franz Ferdinand 9
"Cowboys and Stand Users?" Lina Ana Cise Michael J. 10
"I win! I ended part 3 early!" John Doe John Pepper Oliva Insalata Boy George 11
"There's no going back now. Not for us." Dakota Arana Big Jack Mr.Boss Liam G 12
submitted by JDog413 to StardustCrusaders [link] [comments]


2016.04.20 11:43 Saiyaman r/hiphopheads Essential Album of the Week # 39: MC Hammer - Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em

Welcome to the new and improved Essential Album of the Week discussion thread!
Every Wednesday we will discuss an album from our Essential Albums list
Last Week: Digital Underground - Sex Packets
This Week: MC Hammer - Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em
Stream/Purchase
Spotify
iTunes
Songs/Singles
Here Comes the Hammer
U Can't Touch This
Have You Seen Her
Background/Description (courtesy of rapreviews.com)
Stanley Kirk Burrell holds a unique place in hip-hop history as the first rapper to go diamond - selling more than ten million copies of just one album. Many of today's best-selling and most well respected hip-hop artists have gone gold with ease and platinum several times over, yet that diamond has stayed just out of reach. Shawn Carter has never been higher than 6X platinum with "The Blueprint." Tupac Shakur came close with "All Eyez on Me" at 9X platinum but also benefitted from the rule that double albums count twice, meaning 4.5 million or so copies of the album were sold. Kanye West has never gone diamond. Lil Wayne has never gone diamond. Even hip-hop legends and icons like LL Cool J and Run-D.M.C. have never gone diamond. Just who IS Stanley Kirk Burrell, the man who did what Lil Wayne and Kanye West have never done?
You know him better as M.C. Hammer. That's right - HAMMER.
Go ahead and laugh if you like, but M.C. Hammer paved the way for the success of a lot of other rappers today. In fact if you're in your 30's now think back to your high school days, and see if you don't remember dancing to "Here Comes the Hammer" at a party or having a copy of "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" in the tape deck of your car stereo. These days people remember the parachute pants, the mockery by other rap artists of the day (even 3rd Bass made fun of him in a video) the silly "Addams Family" song and the failed attempt to go gangster. Back in the day though Hammer was a pioneer, a "super dope homeboy from the Oaktown." He parlayed regional popularity in the Bay with his own imprint into a major label record deal, and soon a whole nation of people wound up imitating his dance moves and memorizing his rhymes. The most famous of Hammer's songs always has been and will be "U Can't Touch This." It doesn't hurt that the song's sample makes the track more memorable, but Hammer was far from a "Superfreak."
"Every time you see me, the Hammer's just so hype I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic Now why would I ever, stop doing this? With others making records, that just don't hit I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay It's Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer And the rest can go and play You can't touch this"
Even at his most braggadocious Hammer was very clean and polite. "The rest can go and play." Can they Hammer, really? Aw please Hammer, don't hurt 'em. To be perfectly honest about it you can't even imagine Hammer hurting a fly. Looking at him on the album's cover in a suit and tie, spectacles and a serene smile on his face, it's not hard to imagine that Hammer went on to preach the holy gospel. In fact the only song on Hammer's album that was arguably a bigger hit than "U Can't Touch This" was "Pray." Gospel rappers of the world take note, because Hammer shows and proves how it should be done. Step one - take a loop from a song by Prince (ironically one of R&B's most lascivious acts). Step two - no quoting verses from the Bible, and no claiming to be "gangsters for God." Step three - a catchy hook that gets your point across without being overtly religious.
"All my life, I wanted to make it to the top (that's why we pray) Some said I wouldn't they told me no, but I didn't stop (that's why we pray) Workin hard, makin those moves, everyday (that's why we pray) And on my knees, every night you know I pray I said we pray (prayyy) aw yeah we pray (prayyy) We got to pray, just to make it today I said we pray (prayyy) aw yeah we pray (prayyy) We got to pray, just to make it today! THAT'S WHY WE PRAY"
In retrospect Hammer's song could be applied to almost any religion, as most major forms of worship involve some sort of prayer. Undoubtedly the non-denominational nature of the song only helped it to reach an even broader audience and hit higher on the Billboard charts, which fueled the rocketship of this album's success. Success is a funny thing though - just ask Ivan Boesky and Michael Milken. Dated references to be sure, but Hammer's fortunes rose like the Dow Jones on "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" until the inevitable crash came. Hammer deserves part of the blame for simply being out of touch. Compared to his Californian compadres Hammer seemed much too tame - Digital Underground was raunchier, Too $hort was more explicit and N.W.A. told racist cops just where they could stick it. While his clean cut image may have been honest self-portrayal, the lyrics on the songs that didn't chart were at best insipid and at worst nursery rhymes. His re-interpolation of the Chi-Lites song "Have You Seen Her" is infamous as some of the most cornball lyrics ever put on wax, only made more absurd by how soft-spoken and gentle his delivery is on the beat:
"I see her face and I can't let go She's in my dreams and my heart, so let me know (Have you seen her?) Have you seen her? (Tell me have you seen her?) I'm lookin for that love She's a thought and a vision in my memory I haven't met her, but tell me where could she be? (Have you seen her?) Have you seen her? (Tell me have you seen her?) I'm lookin for that special love, oh love (Love, oh love, love is a feelin that I need) Love is a feelin that the Hammer definetly needs, aw yeah"
If just reading those those words makes you want to put your eyes out, listening to them makes you want to put sharp pointy objects in your ears. Hammer's so sappy on this track you could tap him like a maple tree and make syrup for your pancakes. Let's be perfectly blunt - Hammer is not a lyrical genius. Take "Yo!! Sweetness" for example: "Just the way that you smile, and the things that you say/Like Eastwood on the movies yo, baby make my day." UGH. Another drawback to "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" is that it's a self-produced CD, and Hammer's tendency to use straight up loops quickly becomes irritating. There's no doubt that the sentiments of "Help the Children" are genuine, but Marvin Gaye's "Mercy Mercy Me" was a genuinely plaintive song to begin with and his sentiments feel ruined when lesser singers croon different lyrics to the same melody. There are very few noteworthy songs on "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" other than the singles which charted from it. The aforementioned "Here Comes the Hammer" is one even though it's unintentionally funny that he vows to "take out the weak on the microphone." "She's Soft and Wet" is as close to sexually explicit as Hammer will get, and the new jack swing of the song makes even his poorly delivered lyrics seem fresher. Whenever Hammer tries to get too serious though the songs implode under their own pretentious weight - "Black Is Black" pales compared to other nubian anthems of the day and "Crime Story" just can't be taken at face value since no one can picture Hammer packing a gat.
The ultimate summation of "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" turns out to be rather complex. While the album itself is one of the best-selling not only in rap but in the history of music as a whole, the mere act of selling a lot of something doesn't mean that something is any GOOD. On the other hand there are far worse albums out there with far more inane and insufferable lyrics than Hammer's, many of which have been released in the last year alone (Shawty Lo, Soulja Boy, the list goes on and on). Hammer's sincerity about his clean cut image works in his favor, his tendency to spit atrocious kindergarten level rhymes does not. History records that Hammer was disliked by peers who were jealous of his success, but it's far more accurate to say they saw Hammer as a relatively weak lyricist who didn't represent the more aggressive direction hip-hop was moving in the 1990's. Hammer was the rapper your parents were okay with, which was why so many of us wound up with his tape, which is why ultimately he was so reviled when we all learned he was out of touch. There's an upside though - with over ten million copies sold it's not hard to find "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" in the bargain bin DIRT CHEAP, and even without counting his hit singles there are a few songs on the album worth listening to more than once. If you were thinking about spending $15 on a D4L album, do yourself a favor and buy "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" instead. It's a better album and with the $14 you'll have leftover you can take your girl out for dinner or vice versa.
Guidelines
This is an open thread for you to share your thoughts on the album. Avoid vague statements of praise or criticism. This is your chance to practice being a critic. It's fine for you to drop by just to say you love the album, but let's try and step it up a bit!!!
How has this album affected hip-hop? WHY do you like this tape? What are the best tracks? Do you think it deserves the praise it gets? Is it the first time you've listened to it? What's your first impression? Have you listened to the artist before? Explain why you like it or why you don't.
DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT BEING LATE !!!! Discussion throughout the week is encouraged.
Next week's EAOTW will be Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet
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2015.01.14 03:27 yourITgirl Lessons with Mila!

Mila pops out of her cabin, details of the wedding flying out of her hands. There are sneak peaks of her dress, shades of pink for the bridesmaids, and other random details as to food. She waves at everyone and leads them inside. She sets the plans down on a nearby table and smiles, face flushed with a little bit of frustration. Her long hair is down and unruly, but of course - her makeup is done. Somehow, it's flattering on her although she wouldn't think the same thing. Mila empties a space for her working area and nods at everyone walking in. As soon as everyone has arrived, she speaks in a calm tone.
So, as you all know... A wedding is coming up. Ben and I's. At weddings, people dance. Today's lesson, I'll be teaching you all how to ballroom dance. Or, if that isn't your style, you can just flail around everywhere like Ben does. Those of you who like to be orderly, can learn from me. If not, I'm sure Ben can show you all some moves.
So, grab a partner, and dance! If you don't have a partner, I can accommodate!
Here are some different dance styles we can try:
If there's anything else you're interested in, let's try it out! Otherwise, have fun!
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2013.10.18 19:03 I_Fuck_Bees_Anally I think Riff Raff is going after James Franco for his character in 'Spring Breakers.' I think Franco and his crew will react in some way that will benefit fans of both these artists. What do you think?

Riff Raff is calling out Franco but he's doing it in his Riff Raff way where it's all he focuses his image on until he gets what he wants and moves on.
He did it with MTV's 'G's to Gents' and with Soulja Boy's 'SODMG.'
Riff Raff is wanting a spot in a 'Springbreakers 2.'
I think Franco did get all his inspiration for Alien from Riff Raff.
Riff Raff makes collaborations and business partners, not enemies.
Franco strikes me as a guy who would do the same.
I haven't seen 'Springbreakers' yet myself but there likely won't be a 'Springbreakers 2.'
I do think it is likely that we can reasonably expect Franco and his crew to react by including Riff Raff in a film with a significant role designed just for him.
The result of which will be pretty fucking epic. [7]
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2009.11.19 09:13 desperatechaos Another interpretation of Soulja Boy

This essay was written by my friend's friend's 8th grade friend as an extra credit assignment.
Soulja Boy, properly named DeAndrez Cortez Way, is an African-American rapper. Although criticized by some of his peers, who cleave to traditional rap and its emphasis on message, as promoting mindless party music; upon deeper reflection Soulja Boy’s lyrics do contain a hidden message. Although he has had his share of troubles – lawsuits concerning his stage name, predictions that he will fade into obscurity, and arguments over innuendo; he is fairly successful along with his partner Abrahim Mustafa (Arab).
His major song, Soulja Boy Crank That, has risen to the top of several charts. At first, the song might seem to justify many of the fears regarding Soulja Boy - mindless music, as the main repeated phrase seems to have no meaning; and innuendo, as use of various words (ho, meaning “whore”; bitch, referring once again to sex; etc.). While I will not deny that the song is of a largely sexual bent, it is neither mindless nor corrupting.
I first came to conclusions regarding subtext in Soulja Boy Crank That by examining the greater meaning of the song. There is good proof that Soulja Boy does not lack for sophistication; notable scholars from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have analyzed the subtleties of the song’s music video (of which there are many). If the video is complex, why shouldn’t the actual song be? The largest mystery perplexing me was the main phrase: Crank Dat. Fortuitously, I had been studying this for a few days before the project was designed; and came to the conclusion that Soulja Boy Crank That is about condoms, fitting in with the larger, obvious sexual theme of the song.
The key evidence is found in the refrain, starting with the first line: Soulja Boy Off In This Ho. If Soulja Boy is “off” (i.e. ejaculating) in(side) the (w)ho(re), then there is a risk of pregnancy – necessitating contraception, as Soulja Boy does not wish to have children with a woman he refers to as a whore. The next section uses the key phrase: “Watch Me Crank It//Watch Me Roll”. The phrase “Let’s roll” refers to starting an action. So, before “watch me roll” (the action, namely that of intercourse); there is “crank it”. The action of cranking is similar to the motions made when donning a condom – fitting in to the need for contraception before sex.
The next line, “Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy” reiterates his use of the condom – for the benefit of the woman, who is now reassured that she will not contract a venereal disease. Finally, “Then Superman Dat Ho” refers to a sexual maneuver, indicating that once the formalities are over life can continue as usual. Finally, “Now Watch Me you// (Crank Dat Soulja Boy)”, is a command to use condoms (you Crank Dat) in imitation of Soulja Boy (Now Watch Me). With this premise established, we can move on to the first verse; in which Soulja Boy goes into more detail about his sexual preferences.
Soulja Boy is expanding on his initial support of the condoms, explaining why one should use a condom. For the sexually active, who are “Super Fresh” and would “Crank It Everyday”, condoms are of use for obvious reasons. Condoms are also a boon for normal people, the type of people who would attend “Yo Local Party”. Finally, even the higher echelons of society, who would not normally take kindly to rap, could benefit from condoms. They are represented by “Robocop”.
Although a bit complex, the connection is evident. The first part, robo, refers to robotics, which are expensive – showing that the phrase refers to a more affluent crowd. “Cop”, the second part, is used to contrast with the chaos of stereotypical “street life”, implying order, intellectualism, and refinement compared to the life that gang members and their ilk would lead. Furthermore, such fops would have more time to devote to personal pleasure – and thus would be more likely to be “Super Fresh”, as evidenced by the placement of that phrase next to “Robocop”.
However, a new idea introduced in this section is Soulja Boy’s sexual preference. He talks about “Jocking On Them Haters Mate”. If “jocking” is an action performed on those who hate you, it must be hostile. Therefore, “I’m Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass” means that Soulja Boy is hostile to people who use unsavory methods such as bestiality (“Bitch”) or sodomy (“Ass”) during intercourse. Following “Jocking” (i.e. more openly aggressive) is “Cocking”. However, the lyrics only mention that he is “Cocking On Your Bitch” – “ass” and sodomy exempted. This indicates that while he respects the legitimacy of sodomy as a choice (although he personally dislikes it); Soulja Boy is quite firmly opposed to bestiality.
Continuing the theme of new ideas, the first section of the second verse is largely informative. Most simply, the lines “I’ma Pass It To Arab//Then He Gon Crank It up for sho’ (sho’)” indicates that Soulja Boy’s partner, Arab, also uses condoms. Of particular interest is the phrase “for sho’” [for sure, certainly]. This is to contrast with the earlier phrase, “Watch Me Super Soak Dat Ho”. If Soulja Boy is “super soaking” the (w)ho(re), it indicates that he is not wearing his condom, as condoms inhibit semen flow and would not enable Soulja Boy to “super soak”. Arab, however, always uses the condom – probably to avoid any risk of transmitting venereal disease.
The same general themes are once more repeated in the second verse. “Haters Wanna Be Me//Soulja Boy, I’m The Man” indicates that he is virile and a good example to follow – and since he uses condoms, so should the listener. This association with condoms is reiterated by the lines “They Be Lookin At My Neck//Sayin It’s The Rubber Band Man (Man)”. In standard human anatomy, the neck is the area directly below the head. However, the penis also has a head – below which is the main body of the penis. If the appearance of the main body of the penis leads people to conclude that he is the “Rubber Band Man”, this confirms that he uses a condom (which is rubber, and might resemble a band) and is renowned for doing so. Furthermore, “Watch Me Do It…Dance…Let’s Get To It” once more states that when “dancing” in the bedroom, listeners should “watch [him] do it” and use a condom.
A final mystery is the last section: “Nope, You Can’t Do It Like Me//Oh, So Don’t Do It Like Me//Fool, I see You Tryna Do It Like Me//Man That Shit Was Ugly”. This section seems to warn against condom use (which, of course, is illogical in the larger scheme of the song), and so I searched for an alternative explanation. Surprisingly, I came to the conclusion that there was no hidden meaning, and this section meant exactly what it said – do not use a condom. This is because Soulja Boy is addressing Christians and others who are not allowed to use contraception. So, with this theme in mind, the section would be interpreted as “Nope, You Can’t Do It Like Me (because of your duty)//Oh, So Don’t Do It Like Me (because it would violate your duties)//Fool, I see You Tryna Do It Like Me//Man That Shit Was Ugly ((referring to a violation of said duties, which is indeed ugly))”
So, in summation, Soulja Boy Crank That deserves every bit of its critical acclaim. Soulja Boy has created a very memorable song, if a sexually oriented one. But better yet, Soulja Boy conceals a message that is in accord with the establishment’s views on safe sex; and does so while respecting various organizations’ beliefs. One could only hope that some of his future works rise to an even higher summit instead of descending down a slope.
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Nia Riley Accuses Former Partner Soulja Boy of Physical Abuse